PSA:

My besterest friend in the whole wide world is here!

Merry Christmas!

... and a Happy New Year!

So I'm currently in Natchez, Mississippi spending Christmas with my boyfriend's family in his hometown. This is the first Christmas where I haven't been close to home, and it's very different for me (I'm like 500+ miles away!). Most of his family lives on the same street, so I'm anxious to meet everyone and eat up a whole lot of great food. The trip down here yesterday was long and tiring, but it was really nice to see Ma Jean, Glen's maternal grandmother. She gave me like six different hugs, because she was so excited to see me. It felt great. I've never received warm hugs from a grandmother before, because well, I don't really have one. My living grandmother is in Vietnam, and I've only met her twice. I don't even know if they celebrate Christmas.

I can't wait to get back home and see my family... I wonder who's feeding my fish? Hmm... On another note, my favorite cousin and best friend, Jessica, is flying in from Houston Monday night. She'll be arriving at 11:00 PM, and of course I will be there to greet her. We have a lot of things planned for the two weeks she'll be in Nashville visiting me, and I can't wait to catch up with her and have fun like old times. It's been so long since I've seen her, ya'll... The last time I saw her was when I flew to Houston the summer of 2009. We didn't do much there, but I enjoyed her company. I just can't wait until she gets here. It will be one wonderful reunion.

For Christmas this year, I got a matching beanie, scarf, and glove set from my mama. My little sister also gave me a $25 Wal-Mart gift card, which I used to buy my Clean and Clear Advantage 2-in-1 Acne and Mark Eraser Kit. My boyfriend bought me The Sims 3 for PC. Ma Jean gave me $15. I don't know if I got anything else really... and that's fine. I didn't really ask for anything. I bought myself a double-breasted hooded peacoat jacket thingy from Wet Seal, and I bought my mama one as well. Wet Seal was having a BOGO 1/2 off, so I took advantage of it, haha. I bought my other mother, who is also one of my pastors, a Bath and Body Works gift set in the scent of Jasmine Cherry Blossom. She loved it. She called me crying and everything. It made me feel really good.

This Christmas, for me, was all about giving to the people I cared about. I know I was unable to give everyone something, but I really did try. Times are hard you know... and money is tight. I just hope everyone knows that I love them and care about them. When my cousin gets in town, we're gonna get our ears pierced, and we'll buy each other ear rings. For New Year's, we'll be going to Gatlinburg with my family and just having a great time. I'm really looking forward to the remainder of 2010... I have a feeling it's gonna be worth remembering.

Christmas...

... is in two days!

'Tis the season to be jolly.

Eat, Pray, Love.

After watching this movie and reading a post written by LaLa, I have decided that I really want to find myself. For years, I thought I had a pretty good idea of who I was, what I loved, what I enjoyed, what I wanted out of my life. But now, I realize that I am actually very, very lost. I’m not 100% at peace with myself, my life, or my accomplishments. I am not satisfied… only content.

In all honesty, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m tired of being so angry and disgruntled all the time. I’m tired of being ticked off and pissed off by every little thing that doesn’t go my way. I’m tired of feeling as if the entire world is full of nothing but incompetent, ignorant, good-for-nothing idiots. I’m tired of being so… negative. Negativity, in my book, equals unhappiness, and well…

I’m tired of being unhappy.

So for the remainder of 2010, I am going to enjoy what is in front of me… I’m going to make the most of my memories and try my best to be more positive, more loving, and more caring. In the upcoming year, I hope to truly better myself and make more of an attempt at bettering the people around me. I hope to dedicate more time and effort to my school work. I hope to be kinder, nicer to people… especially my friends. And most importantly, once again, I hope to find myself…

The real Jennifer; a brighter, wiser, happier, more vibrant Jennifer.

16-month-old Baby Boy Dies...

... after being dipped and held in a pot of boiling water!

I don't understand what is wrong with some of these people out here in the world! Omgoodness! This video seriously made me cry. Please watch it here.

My cousin...

... is flying up here from Houston to spend time with me for two weeks. :]

I never knew...

... dancers faced so much pressure to be thin.

I just read an article and watched an interview of a ballerina who performed as the Sugar Plum Fairy in the New York City Ballet's performance of The Nutcracker. The article touched me and really sparked a nerve. I just don't completely understand the situation, and I don't know how to word exactly what I am trying to say...

Anyway, you can read the article and watch the video here.

A Facebook Story | A Mother's Happiness, a Family's Sorrow

I got this link from Tumblr... Please take the time out to read it here. 

School's out for the Winter!

... Well, technically, it isn't out until Thursday. But still. *continues singing*

School's out for the Winter! :D

#WTF?!

A mortuary worker rides a dead man, gets pregnant, and is now, trying to sue?

#WTF?!

Read the story here.

Live in the Moment.

Tonight as I was blowing out the smoke from the watermelon and strawberry hooka I was sharing with my friends, I came to a great realization… I am too uptight. Seriously… After smoking tonight, I felt so chill, so calm… Like, tonight was the first night I felt relaxed all semester, and the semester’s basically over. It felt good being relaxed. It was almost a numb feeling. I don’t know if I’ll smoke regularly or if I’ll ever smoke again, but I do know that spending quality time with Devin and Alyssa really allows me to just be carefree. All I wanted to do was sleep. When my boyfriend called me angrily, I didn’t even try to argue with him. I just calmly hung up the phone and went about my night.

I went to my very first “rave,” but I didn’t enjoy it very much. Sure, the jumping up and down was pretty fun, but it didn’t take long for me to get tired. I wasn’t wearing a belt, so my pants almost immediately fell down. My shirt also came up, so my belly was just all out (and that just ain’t cute). I had to hold onto my phone with my life, because if not, I would’ve lost it in all of that craziness. Devin and Alyssa each got a chance to crowd surf, and Alyssa damn near fell on her face (or lost her life). Afterwards, we all just hung out with a couple of more friends and took crazy pictures.

All in all, tonight was a great night. It’s the most fun I’ve had all semester, and that says a lot. I never really left my dorm other than going to class or getting something to eat, and it feels good that I got out for a change. I got to spend the past two nights with some of my favorite people in the whole world, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Yea, I took a huge step today and did something I said I would never do (smoke), but it was worth it. I think I needed it, and I’m glad I experienced it. I know now, that whenever I want to just let loose and have some fun, I can call my girls and they’ll just show me one hell of a time.

I’m just anxious about what Christmas break will bring…

Oh, Vandy...

... How I love you so.

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to work at Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt (aka Vanderbilt Children's Hospital). I wanted to be a pediatric cardiologist after visiting a cardiologist at the discretion of my pediatrician. In case you didn't know, I was born with two heart defects, so I felt a strong passion to work with children who are like me. A couple of months ago, I was very discouraged from my inability to fully understand the material that was being covered in my Biology class (that along with pure lack of motivation). I decided that medical school would not be the place for me and that I needed to find a back up career.

Next semester, I will be taking classes to fulfill my Pre-Med requirement as well as classes to fulfill my Psychology requirement. Depending on how I do in Chemistry, I will either decide to continue down the medical path or head a different direction towards Psychology. My main goal though, God willing, is that I work hard, study hard, and get into Vanderbilt Medical School. It would be a dream come true if I were able to work with children in the cardiology field. Even if I don't become a cardiologist, I would still love to involve children in my career. I love kids, and I believe that doing all that I can to help improve their lives is extremely important.

How did I get on this topic, you ask? I was searching for the phone number to the Vanderbilt Women's Health Center to schedule my very first appointment with a gynecologist. Then, I started browsing the main hospital website, because I remembered that I needed to schedule a follow up appointment with a cardiologist. Since you are technically able to continue to see a pediatrician even at the age of 18, I wasn't sure if I wanted to visit the Children's Hospital or the Heart Center. I still haven't decided yet... I just know that I will be making several important phone calls later on today.

While on the website, I also saw a link to volunteer opportunities. I've often read Sandi write about how she loved volunteering at Vandy, and I never knew that there were opportunities for teenagers to help out. I think I would like to volunteer over the summer while working part-time to save up money for grad school. That may mean a lot less free time on my part, but I think it's about time I took initiative and started doing something for myself and not for everyone else. If I truly believe I can succeed in this field, I need to take the first step and actually get involved. There is no way any medical school will want to even consider my acceptance with no prior exposure or experience.

Asbestos... a Sneaky Killer.

I feel like having an Antoine Dodson moment right now.

Well, OBVIOUSLY we've got a serious health issue... So you better check your attic, check your filters, check your ventilation, because asbestos is killing everyone up in here.

Read the story here.

Thanksgiving weekend.

My Thanksgiving weekend went farily well to say the least. I went home Wednesday night and hung out with some old friends, ate a whole lot of food at three different houses and got to play with two of my favorite little girls in the world on Thursday, and spent some quality time with my sister for her birthday on Friday. It was a pretty good weekend despite me having to return to school Friday night for the last football game of the season. You know, I was hoping that we would lose the game Saturday, but we didn't. That means we're going to a bowl game now, and I really do not wanna go. So you know what? I'm not. I don't care what they have to say. If they wanna fail me, they can go ahead. Music Ensemble 359 does not count towards anything for me. It is nothing more than an elective that I don't need. Sure, an F might not look too hot on the transcript, but it's nothing I can't fix. I'm pretty sure no graduate school or medical school even gives a fuck about whether or not I passed marching band.

A Man was Shot outside of a Daycare.

A man was shot and killed after dropping off his two-year-old son at daycare. You can read the story here. This breaks my heart...

Alee's Top 10 Rules of Blogging.

So I was browsing through my Blogger updates when I found this very interesting post by Alee. You can view the post here. All of these rules make sense, and I believe everyone should abide by them. I can make an exception to the music one though.

Seriously, yo. Slackin' ain't what's Crackin'.

I've been on some major slackage these past few weeks. It's as if the senior-itis bug bit me all over again. I wasn't going to class. I wasn't doing any of my assignments. I even missed my lab final exam, which was worth 30 points.

Can you say epic fail? -_-

I'm off to a better start this week though. I turned in my lab report, and I even read and took notes for Biology. I made it to class today (I didn't go to the past three lectures) just to be disturbed almost the entire time by these loud ass girls sitting behind me. They would not shut up for anything. They weren't loud enough to disturb the whole lecture, but they were definitely loud enough behind me where I could hear everything they were saying. They had to make comments about everything, and the comments weren't even thought-provoking. They were childish, unnecessary, and immature, and I would've been a whole lot better had I not heard them.

Anyway, finals are coming up... as is the end of my first semester in college. I have to say... College is way more than I thought I could handle. My grades are all over the place, and honestly, I would've done a whole lot better if I actually had the motivation. I have the potential to do well... I just don't. If I actually read and put some time into studying the intensive material we cover in Biology, I'd actually do well on the exams. I plan to do a whole lot of that though these last couple of weeks. My final in Biology is December 9th, so I have plenty of time to study my ass off. I plan to do at least 3 hours of studying every day... and it doesn't even have to be all at once. I think I can get by with studying for an hour maybe three times or day, or even studying for 30 minutes six times a day. I don't know... Whatever it takes. Whatever works.

As far as math goes, I have a B- in that class. If I do well on the final (and I'm hoping I will), that could potentially turn into a B+ or even better, an A-. I don't it will turn into an A, but if it does turn out to be an A then, shit... That's what's up! Lol. My GPA as of right now, is not looking too hot. I plan on working my butt off next semester to bring it up. I HAVE TO or else I will lose my grants and scholarships, and we can't have that. That's over $18,000 being thrown away. My roommate and I registered for just about all of the same classes, so she's going to be making sure I go to class and helping me keep on track and stuff. We'll do all of our homework together, and we can help each other on labs and papers and stuff like that.

My schedule's pretty busy on MWF, but I have a whole lot of free time on TTH. Plus, I don't have to do any slave work (band) next semester, so that means I have weekends as well. I'm taking 17 hours, and my classes include:

Chemistry 120 - Intro to Chemistry

English 102 - Inquiry into Places*

FYS 129 - American Sign Language

Math 151 - Math for Life Sciences**

Psychology 110 - General Psychology

Philosophy 110 - Human Conditions: Values/Reality***.

*At UT, there are different topics you can choose from as your English 102 course. My original topic was Inquiry into Food, but by the time I got through the system to register, it was full. I chose my back up option instead.

** I don't even need this class as a Psychology major, but I'm taking it incase I decide to go back to Biochem/Pre-Med.

*** I wasn't going to take this class until my sophomore year. I was originally going to register for French 111- Elementary French 1, but before I could even register, the class was full. I don't understand how they had only ONE class available for that subject. It's so stupid to me. Now, I have to wait until sophmore year to even get started on my foreign language, which means I won't be done with it until junior year... Heh. Kinda reminds me of high school.

But yea... That's about it really. My boyfriend let me borrow his friend's SIMS 3 game, so I've been playing that like a maniac. Once I learned how to work the basics, I've just been going crazy. I really want my mom to buy it for me for Christmas, so I should ask her to keep that mind. Just so I don't get crazy though, I'll factor in the outcome of my final grades. If my grades are decent, I'll reward myself with the game. If they aren't, I just won't be playing it.

Day 10: Your pets.

I'm skipping Day 9, because I just don't have time to write about pointless shit.

I want a pug and/or a maltese. My boyfriend wants a pit and a siberian husky. We also want lots of fish.

Day 8: Are you a fitness guru or a couch potato. Explain your exercise habits.

I am a COUCH POTATO.

I don't have any exercise habits.

I've never been a girly-girl...

... and I confess to not knowing exactly how to even be a girl aside from having monthly (if I'm lucky) menstrual cycles, large and prominent breasts, and a vagina. I mean... Those are the things that define women as women, right? You could easily argue that men have breasts, too, but they're not what I'm talking about. They're not meant to be there. They usually develop because of some genetic mutation or because of something simple really... Fat. But back to the subject at hand...

I own two pairs of heels: a black closed-toe pair made be George (bought fromWal-Mart) that I wear to church and when I want to look business professional for an interview or something... and this other black sling peep-toe pair with rhinestones that I bought from Ross (or TJ Maxx, I forgot) one day because I thought they were cute. I wore them a few times, but they really hurt my feet... I might have to buy some of those Dr. Scholls inserts for women. But yea... Other than that, I don't have much experience walking in heels. I like 'em... I just don't wear 'em.

As far as clothing goes, when you look in my closet, you see nothing but t-shirts and jeans. Real talk. I spent the entire summer trying to develop my image as a girl, and my attire still boils down to the chill, laid back, homegirl type of dress. I hate it. Ok, I don't really hate it... I just hate that I don't know how to dress up or dress out. I see all of these pictures of my female friends and other women that I know who dress so beautifully on a regular basis, and I always wonder where they get their inspiration from. I'm not one who likes to look like everyone else in the world, so how do they manage to dress with such amazing style without looking like a bunch of maniacal robots?

So I turned to Google and Wikipedia for answers... Just kidding. I don't know who to talk to really. I'm afraid everyone will just come up with some basic answer that won't do anything for me. I think what I really need to do is find out what I actually like and what will actually look good for me (because you know some styles out there look great on some people and not so great on others)... I've realized that although I love short, strapless dresses, my breasts just don't have enough support to make the dress actually look good. Sure, I can wear a very supportive strapless bra, but those are extremely hard to find these days (especially if you're cheap like me and don't want to spend over $20 on a bra).

*Sigh* I just don't know, man... I admire and envy (at times) women with long, toned legs because my legs are short, stubby, and thick. I start getting all insecure and self-conscious when I see people who are thinner or who are just in better shape than I am. My legs are thick, yea... but they're fat. They're not toned. There are no muscles there. The only leg muscles I have really are in my calves, and those are due to constant slavework (what I like to call it) during band. I want my thighs to tone up... I want them to look as sexy as some of the celebrities we all know (like Beyonce or Rihanna). I want them to just look appealing to the eye. Same for my arms...

Overall, I just need to learn how to be a "woman." I need to find myself and develop my own style that will compliment my body type and shape. I need a style that will not make me look slutty or trashy, that will not make me look assimilated into modern day society, and that will not change who I am internally. I wanna be able to look sexy yet sophisticated, you know what I'm saying? Cause truthfully, if I could live the rest of my life successfully in a pair of sneakers and some jeans, I'd be perfectly fine with it...

National Diabetes Month.

• 23.6 million children and adults in the United States — about 8% of the  population — have diabetes.
• 1.6 million new cases of diabetes are diagnosed in people aged 20 years and older each year.
• About 1 in every 400-600 children and adolescents has Type I diabetes.
• About 2 million adolescents between 12-19 have pre-diabetes.

*Statistics from The American Diabetes Association.

November is National Diabetes Month.
Make a difference and become more aware.

Day 07: How did you stumble across Blogger* and how has it changed your life since then.

I came across Blogger in 2008, and since then, it's been a great way for me to vent my feelings and jot down the things that go on in my life.

*The original question asked about Tumblr, but I'm posting this here.

Day 06: Your favorite season and why.

Autumn!

Why? Because the leaves turn pretty colors, and it gets cool out... Well, except for in Knoxville. It was like 80 degrees today. -_- What. The. Fuck.

The Jess and Jenn Show!

Day 05: Your three favorite colors.

Blue

black

purple 

Day 04: Your closest friend(s).

I'm just gonna copy this from my other challenge on Tumblr. I don't really feel like rewriting anything.

These would be my best friends:

Jessica Negrete: My best friend since the 8th grade. The one who’s been there the longest. The one I can run to about anything. Words couldn’t express how much love I have for this girl. She’s been there for me through everything… literally. She knows basically everything about me, and she’s one of few who can check me and tell me what I’m doing wrong with my life. I love her energy and her crazy personality. I love that she’s not afraid to stand up for her loved ones or for what she believes in. I love that she has one of the kindest and sweetest hearts in the world, but she’s strong and tough externally. I love that she’s honest and caring. I just love her. I know that no matter what, she will always have my back… and I know that no matter what happens - no matter how much we fight, bicker, or argue; no matter how far away we live from each other; no matter how long we go without speaking - I know that we will always be close, and the love will always be there. No one can break the bond we have created… We’re like covalent bonds, lol.

Joshua Thomas: I met him my freshman year in high school, and we have been best friends ever since. I can talk to him about anything and expect only the best, most logical advice. I know that I can totally be myself around him and that he won’t judge me. I know that I can tell him all of my secrets and not worry about him telling a soul. I love him more than many, many, many things in the world. He means more to me than most people/things do. I know for a fact that if anything were to happen to him, I’d die inside. He is a huge part of who I am, and he is a huge part of my life. Even though we’re approximately 230 miles away, I know that our friendship will never fade. And I know that 20 years from now, we will be able to look back at all of our memories and laugh at how silly we were. I pray that we will be best friends for the remainder of our lives, and I pray that he becomes a significant part of my children’s lives. Whenever I am in need of something, I know that he will always be there… His hugs alone turn my frown completely upside down, and I love that about him. I’m proud to have him as my best friend.

Darrion Lipscomb: Darrion and I became really close around junior year. I declared him a significant part of my life senior year, and he’s continued to be special ever since. I can talk to him about everything… He knows how to take any situation and turn it into a funny one. I love all of his silly jokes that he makes, and I love that he knows how to make me laugh. I love that he cares about me and loves me just as much as I love him. As a matter of fact, he probably loves me more… I love his honesty, his straight forwardness, and his wisdom. He has a good head on his shoulders, and I’m glad that I don’t have to be on his back about what he’s gonna do with his life. I know that I love him and that he belongs in my life, because every attempt I’ve made at removing him has ended up unsuccessful. I’m ultimately thankful to have him in my life, and I never want it to be any different.

These are some of my other close friends:

Leah Torres: I've known her since the 6th grade, and we got hella-hella close around the 7th/8th grade. We used to do everything together. I would ride the bus home with her and kick it with her at her apartments. We were in choir together, and we'd sing together all the time. I first met her mother at 100 Oaks after our choir concert. I went to church with her a few times. We went trick-or-treating together with another friend, Ciera, in Hendersonville (a time I will never forget). She stayed the night over my house a lot... She went with me to my NSA auditions. We ordered Dominoes Pizza and tried to con an old woman into buying free circus tickets, lol. Man, we used to be some bad ass kids. Now, she's miles away from me, but I still love her the same. I can talk to this girl about anything, and I know she won't judge me. She's like my sister from another mister, and I definitely can't live without her. I love her! :]

Ashley Baltimore: This girl was like my sister in the 8th grade. We always laughed together and had a good time. I stopped being friends with her as soon as we got to high school, because the life she was living just wasn't something I wanted to put up with. Second semester of senior year, she apologized for everything she did and the way she was acting and promised me that she had changed. I gave her another chance, and we've been besties ever since. I guess it takes a really long time apart from someone to realize how true of a friend he/she really is. I've learned that no matter what happens between the two of us, we will always love each other and we will always be great friends. I can talk to her about anything, and she has definitely become like one of my sisters. I know that we will be friends for the rest of our lives.

I'm too lazy to write about anyone else.

Day 03: Your favorite television program.

I don't know... What exactly is a television program? Are you referring to the stations that come on? Or are you referring to actual TV shows?

If the former, I like just about all television channels. For example, I like to watch Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, some Cartoon Network, USA, TBS, MTV, VH1, BET (sometimes, because lately, it's been a bunch of bullshit), the History channel, National Geographic, the Food channel, Oxygen, Discovery channel, Discover health, SyFy, A&E, CBS, ABC, the CW, TLC, hell... A LOT of stuff. 

If the latter, I like Law and Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, Cake Boss, Ace of Cakes, 90210, World of Jenks, Family Guy, the Boondocks, the Simpsons, Wizards of Waverly Place, Phineas and Ferb, South Park, and a lot of other stuff... I don't really watch anything specific; I just flip channels until I see something that I like.

Transgender Plays for D1 Women's Basketball Team...

I just read an article about a transgender male (born female) who plays for George Washington University's women's basketball team. I think that is amazing. Kye (as he prefers to be called) kept it real during his interview, which you can check out here. While reading the article, I learned that there are several transgendered athletes out there, and I think that the transgendered community is taking big steps. They're coming out more, and I'm proud of that.

I have decided...

... to buy my own domain when I have a job and stable income. That is all.

Day 02: Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.

I have a total of four ear piercings, two lobe piercings in each ear. This Christmas break, I plan on getting two more piercings, a cartilage in each ear. In the future, I plan on getting another lobe piercing in each ear and around 4-5 different tattoos. I'm excited.

Day 01: Your middle name and how you feel about it.

I don't tell people my middle name mainly because I hate having to pronounce it. It's Vietnamese, you're not going to understand it unless well, you speak Vietnamese. In Vietnamese, it's written like this:

On my birth certificate, it is written like this: Nhu-Y. Why? I do not know. I guess because the English language can't decipher the fact that it's clearly separated. Whatever.

Anyway... My parents told me that it basically means that I get everything that I want, that I get everything my way. It makes a lot of sense, because I do like to have things go my way. It fits me perfectly, bahaha.

As for the question of whether I like it or not? Sure I do. Why? Because it's unique. Not many Vietnamese people (that I know anyway) have that name. As a matter of fact, I'm the only one. Will I go around telling everyone what my middle name is and how to pronounce it? HELL NAHH! Why? Because it's way too much work on my part. Out of all of my friends, maybe one or two people can pronounce it... Leah included.



Another 30 Day Challenge.

I saw Leah doing this new challenge that she found, and it looked kinda familiar. I had to find it for myself, and now that I have, I'm gonna do it! ... starting now.

It's Time...

It's time that I stop BS-ing and actually put my creative mind to work. I love writing, and I'm excellent at it. I have a unique way of putting words together to form emotions and pictures. It's time that I show it. I'm going to be working on a new project soon... I'll keep you updated.

Cool.

Click image to view larger.

One of my best friends, Brad, said that I was the definition of "cool" according to dictionary.com, so I found it... Bahaha. ;]

Fact:

Today's my mommy's birthday. :]

Love knows no bounds...

This is a note I posted on Facebook Thursday, October 21st, the day after the Wear Purple Day. I read an article on New York Times that I got from Tumblr, I think, and it really inspired me to just speak out all of my feelings. The feedback I got because of it were truly positive, especially from my sissy, Leah. She even took the time out to tag me on her page and recommend her friends to read it. In case you aren't my friend on FB or you are and you haven't read it, the link is here. And if by any chance you are inable to view it, you can read it by clicking the "Read more" link below.

A college football player in suburban NYC was shot to death by two cops.

The story says that he was parked in a fire line outside of a bar when a fight broke out. When police approached his car and knocked on his window, he sped off, hitting two policemen. The officers fired two shots, one of which killed him. Authorities of NYC are currently investigating his death.

Read the story here.

The biggest question right now, is

Was gunfire really necessary?

Now, I don't know how the system works in New York, or in the rest of the country for that matter, but I think shooting at a car that's speeding off his a little much. I understand that officers reserve the right to fire if they feel as if they are deliberatly endangered, but they don't know what went on that night. They don't know why the football player sped off or if his intentions were even hurt the police officers.

It's a cruel, cruel world out there...

Epic #fail.

... I need to get my shit together. Real talk.

There is nothing more I can say about this subject... It's ridiculous how much class I have missed just because of not waking up in the morning. I've never missed class before, and I've never just said "I'm too tired... I'm not going." I don't know what's come over me. This morning, I told my parents that I wanted to drop out of college and not do anything for the rest of my life. They gave me this lecture about how I should stay in school and get an education and a great career and how I'll have lots of more opportunities than they had and blah blah blah... I was like "Uh huh, ok." You guys don't understand...

I really do wanna drop out.

But I guess I can't... -_- I wish I could just take the easy way out. On top of missing class, I also didn't turn in two separate assignments, my second paper for English and my lab report for Biology. Ask me if I plan on turning them in? *side eye* No, but I might turn in my lab report... even though I'll get hella points deducted since it was due at noon yesterday. *shrugs* Oh, well. Better than another zero on my grades, right? I already have a couple from missing labs... Not good.

So yea... That's the story of my life right now. Starting today, I'm going to be productive with my life and get myself caught up in this college world. I can't go on doing the shit I've been doing... If I do, I won't make a 3.0, and I'll lose my scholarships and grants. If I lose those, I won't be able to pay for school, and then, I'll be forced to drop out. Who wants that? Not me!

Day 10 (The Finale): ONE confession.

I'm really not a fighter. I'm just angry and aggressive. If it boiled down to it, I would much rather not have to beat a bitch's face in. I would rather we talk it out and solve our issues like mature women. If it boiled down to it, I would much rather not have to cuss out a couple of ignorant boys here and there... But unfortunately, the world isn't full of

happiness,

sunshine, and

RAINBOWS

like it is in the depths of my brain.

Day Nine: 2 smileys that describe your life right now.

:/ - Unsure, slanty face.

:| - Straight, indifferent face.

Day Eight: 3 turn ons.

Damn, I forgot all about this... Lol. Ok, here we go... Three turn ons.

1. A beautiful smile.

2. Beautiful eyes.

3. Me (to my boyfriend): "What's my last one?"

Him (rubs his body): "Your boyfriend's body."

... Lmfao.

Day Seven: 4 turn offs.

1. BAD TEETH!

2. Poor hygiene.

3. Those stupid pick up lines.

4. Attitude, attitude, attitude.

Day Six: 5 people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

1. Parents (Ok, that's two. So what?)

2. The boyfriend

3. Joshua Thomas

4. Darrion Lipscomb

5. Ashley Baltimore

I'm gonna keep adding to this list...

6. Leah Torres

7. Brad Herod

8. Marie Ann

9. Mario Beene

10. Austin Fleming

Day Five: 6 things you wish you'd never done.

1. I wish I never lost my virginity before I met my boyfriend.

2. I wish I didn't have sex with 3 out of the 4 guys I did before I met my boyfriend.

3. I wish I would've never cheated.

4. I wish I never met him.

5. I wish I would've never let him get to me.

6. I wish I would've never joined the marching band! <_<

It's so lonely here...

In high school, I had plenty of friends from different social groups, I guess you could say. I never had a huge problem with getting to know people after I was comfortable, and it never really took me too long to get comfortable. Before coming to college, I thought that within the two weeks of band camp I would make a lot of new friends. I was wrong. I have yet to meet anyone I can call a true friend... One person has come a little close, though, and that is my friend, Jeremiah. You know I love the gays, and omgoodness... He is just fabulous, bahaha. He's not a diva or anything (although I do have a habit of addressing him as "GIIIIRRRRLLL..."), but some of the stuff he says about the guys around campus (especially the football players and track runners) are effing HILARIOUS. If you don't have a gay friend, you should find one... Cause, girl... Lol. They are something else.

But yea, other than Jeremiah, I haven't really talked to anyone in the band like that... I don't like the majority of the people in my section (mainly the girls), but the guys get on my nerves, too. I've managed to like some of the snares and the tenors but not enough to call them "friends." I don't know... It's just been really rough for me these past couple of months. I do have friends here, don't get me wrong, but the majority of them are friends from high school. I do meet new people through my new best friend, Brad, who eventually become aquaintances, but I don't hang out with them enough to call them my friends... and then, my roommate, I don't really know if you could say we're friends (although we do get along very well). *sigh* This whole friend deal is just too much.

On Sunday when we were at Riverside Galleria in Hoover, Alabama on the way back from New Orleans, one of the tenor players, Ben, pulled up a chair next to me at the table I was sitting at and basically said, "Jennifer, you need to quit being a loner. You would have much more fun if you had a group of friends. I know there are some very nice people here. What you need to do is find yourself a group of people and introduce yourself... Cause you don't need to be all by yourself all the time." I don't know which it did worse: hurt my feelings or make me really wish I could break out of my shell and talk to people. It's not that I'm afraid to talk to people, it's just that I'm... I don't know, just not comfortable. I'm not comfortable enough to show people the real me yet, the me behind the bitchy attitude and the angry mug.

I just feel like people in college are waaaayy too judgemental (myself included) and that if I were to just act a fool and be myself, I would be looked upon in a negative way. I don't want that. I know you're not supposed to care what other people think of you (and most of the time I don't), it's just... I don't know, it's hard to explain. Reading Leah's post about going to a gay club with her whiteys (lol) just made me realize how sheltered I really am. Here at UT, it's so common for people to go partying and drinking and all that other stuff. Me? I don't go to any — I haven't been to any — and I don't know if I plan to any time soon. I know Brad wants me to go to at least one just for the experience, and I might, but I doubt that I will go to many in the near future.

Even in New Orleans, I spent most of the time by myself. I ate dinner by myself (until I met up with Marcela and ate again), and since I didn't have anyone to hang out with the second night, I just stayed in my hotel room and did my homework. I feel like such a nobody/lame sometimes... and I know that isn't true, but I can't help it. Maybe I'm just being anti-social and reclusive by choice (well, obviously I am). I could very easily make a lot of friends and not have to worry about this kind of stuff, but unfortunately... Unfortunately, it's just not that easy for me.

On a brighter note, I did talk to a guy from my Math class today. We walked and talked after class and even ate breakfast together, which was pretty nice seeing as to how I always eat by myself. It was the first time I've actually spoken to him since school started in August (crazy, right?). I found out that he's a sophomore (which is odd) and from Atlanta. He always waved at me whenever he saw me, and I guess that lightened up my mood a little bit. I felt welcomed and stuff, you know? I just wish everyone would be that welcoming and friendly.

Day Four: 7 things that cross your mind a lot.

1. "Damn... I'm hungry."

2. "I wonder what my baby's doing."

3. "What time is it?"

4. "Where is my pencil?"

5. "Food, food, food."

6. "I wonder how many notifications I have on Facebook."

7. "This bitch."

Day Three: 8 ways to win your heart.

... To answer your question, Leah, I was in New Orleans over the weekend for the UT vs. LSU football game.

1. Buy me food.

2. Be honest with me.

3. Respect me and appreciate me as I am, and don't try to change me if it's not for the better.

4. Have some type of artistic talent (be it dancing, singing, playing an instrument, whatever).

5. Enjoy the things that I do.

6. Laugh with me.

7. Don't criticize me when I'm at my lowest.

8. Let me be myself, even when I want to be a crazy 5-year-old.

Day Two: 9 things about yourself.

... I'm having to play catch up here. I didn't have any Internet access down in New Orleans. :/

1. I love cake. CAKE, CAKE, CAKE! It makes me happy.

2. My favorite colors are blue, black, and purple.

3. As of today, I have been 18 for a month and two days.

4. I miss my best friends.

5. I have a hard time introducing myself to new people.

6. I guess I'm anti-social.

7. I love Jesus.

8. I love snacking on banana nut muffins.

9. My favorite thing to drink at Starbucks is the Vanilla Bean Frappaccino.

Day One: 10 things you want to say to 10 different people.

To Glen: I love you so much. We have been through many ups and downs, and I'm proud that through it all, our relationship continues to grow stronger and stronger. I want you to know that I trust you with my heart... and that I know in my soul that you will never do anything to betray me. You have continued to be the sole reason why I try to maintain my happiness and my sanity. You are every single part of me, and I am anxiously looking forward to sharing my love with you for the rest of our lives.

To Darrion: I love you more than you will ever know... Thanks for being one of my best friends. Although I'm sure you never mean to, the things you say about me really do hurt my feelings. I know I never tell you this personally, but it's true. You make me feel inadequate sometimes... and that's probably why I don't talk to you as much anymore. When I talk to you, I feel less important than I used to be. I wish things could still be the same between us; you know, before the drama and before graduation and before coming to college... But I know that's entirely too much to ask for, and I have to learn to accept you as you are.

To Joshua: Where are you exactly? I mean, I know you're in North Carolina, but where are you exactly in my life? I feel like there is a huge gaping hole in my heart where you used to reside... Our laughter, our jokes, the times we spent together... The sharing of secrets, the hugs, the serious conversations, the advice... Where did all of that go? I always thought that as we grew older, our friendship would get stronger... but over the past year, I feel as if we could never be more distant. I miss you, best friend.

To Jessica: You get on my nerves so much. I will always love you, and you will always be my best girl, but I just can't tolerate your bullshit sometimes. There's a time and a place for everything, and right now, I don't know if I have any time to give you a place in my life right now. We are on two completely different pages, two completely different pathways, two completely different... Everything. It just isn't the same anymore.

To Bradford: You have been the most awesomest (yes, I'm aware that isn't a word) college best friend ever. I enjoy all of our conversations and the times that we spend together. I'm looking forward to building our friendship throughout the remainder of our freshman year of college, and I hope that we will continue to be friends for the rest of our lives.

To Boo Boo: I miss you! That's all I have to say.

To Mario Beene: You're an amazing guy... and I know you know this. Don't ever let anyone put you down, and make sure to keep everything just "strictly business."

To Leah: I love you, girl. We've been through hell and back, ups and downs, and everything in between. You understand me, and you make it your responsibility to check me when I am wrong. Thank you. I really hope you are enjoying yourself at APSU... It would've been fun having you here. I can't wait to see you whenever I get the chance. It will be like old times again, hopefully.

To Marie Ann: I love you, baby sis. You are my world. Keep up your grades in school. Don't get in trouble. Keep playing piano. I'll be home to visit you soon.

To God: I know this should be first, but I really didn't know what I wanted to say. I love You... and I want to grow with You and become more in tune with You. I appreciate You and everything You have done for and given me. I want You to know that I am trying... but I know You already know this. I am aware that You know everything, and I hope that You are proud of my efforts to seek You. It's been on my heart lately to find a place where I can worship You and find You and just praise you... I'm still searching for that place. I pray that You guide me in the right direction. Thanks again for everything.

10 Days...

... I saw this on my friend's Tumblr. I guess I'll do it to give myself something to write about.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

Will start later today...



Heaven or Hell?

Have you ever seriously thought about this?

Elaborating later...

--- Edit 3:55 PM ---

I was watching this documentary on the History Channel called "Gates to Hell" or something around that, and it sparked up some questions and thoughts that I've suppressed in the back of my mind. Have any of you ever seriously thought about whether you would go to Heaven or Hell? Or what it takes to get into Heaven, and conversely, what qualifies someone to get sent to Hell? This topic is such a confusing and emotional one for me, I don't really know where to begin.

You see, after watching this documentary, it dawned on me that NO ONE is worthy of entering Heaven. It is only by GRACE that we are granted Eternal life. So ultimately, that means that it doesn't matter how Holy or religious or sanctified someone considers themselves or seems to be. They, too, can still be rejected by God. That mere fact alone scares the living daylights out of me. In church, I've heard that we are supposed to be as closely resembled to Jesus Christ as possible... That our main priority should be to live our lives as closely resembled to the way He lived, do Christ-like things, be Christ-like. If no one in the world can ever be as perfect as God or as Christ, how do we even begin to get started in that process?

Being perfect has to take a lot of work... And that's probably why sinning is so easy to do. It's convenient. And that's why the Devil is everywhere... at least, to me anyway. I think that because sinning is so much easier to do than remaining Christ-like, so many people choose to do so over striving to be the best Christian they can be. Now, I know I'm not perfect... In fact, I'm far from it. I've sinned many times throughout my entire life, and I know that I will continue to sin. I am aware of that. Am I proud of it? Not at all. Why do I know I will continue to sin? Because it's human nature. I don't care how hard someone will try not to sin... He or she will sin in some way or another. Hell, we sin without even knowing that we sin. Ever thought a bad thought about someone you didn't like? You're sinning.

Still, the images of Hell portrayed in the documentary were pretty frightening. Just the mere idea of being sent to an infinite lake of fire where there will be "weeping and gnashing of teeth" and eternal pain and suffering makes me want to cry. It makes me want to look over the things I have done in my life, and it makes me wonder if what I have done will send me to Hell. In all reality, only God knows where I'm going, so it should be my job to live right by Him...

I'm struggling, but believe me... I'm trying.

That's it...

... I think I'm gonna change my major. After attending my three-hour Biology lab today, I realized how much I truly dislike science. Now, I've always wanted to be a doctor, and like I said in a previous post, I never knew what I would do if I didn't go into the healthcare field. Today (actually for about a week now), I've been considering other options... One of them was, of course, Forensic Psychology. The other was Child Psychology.

Why Psychology, you ask? To be honest with you... I have no idea. Maybe it's because it only requires me to take one year of Biology and then, another Natural Sciences course. Maybe it's because it won't require me to take the MCAT or be in school until the age of 30. Maybe it's because I don't have to take Organic Chemistry. Actually, it's all of the above. I hate, hate, HATE Chemistry. Sure, I did really well in Chem Honors when I took it sophomore year, but that doesn't mean that I like it. And please don't get me wrong, I LOVE the healthcare and medical field... I just don't love the work you have to do to get into it. All these upper level sciences and maths? What? 12-14 years of education? WHAT? I actually knew that last part.

Maybe I'm just lazy...

I've told my boyfriend on several occasions that I wanted to drop out of college and become a stay-at-home mom. I'm still considering it... I don't know. I never thought it would happen to me, but I seriously think I'm at that stage in my life where I don't know WTF I want. I don't know WHAT I wanna do with my life just yet, and I don't know WHAT exactly that I like. My mind is intrigued by so many different things: photography, music, children, surgeries, Biology, art, English, journalism, writing, psychopathic diseases, mental illnesses, learning disabilities, developmental disorders, interior design, culinary arts, music performance, graphic design... How the hell am I gonna figure out which pathway will direct me towards a successful and prosperous career?

*sigh* If you don't take anything with you from this blog, at least take this:

Don't go to college.

Dear ___,

... I love writing letters. Whether it be via e-mail or by the US Postal Services, I love writing letters. I promise you that if you give me an address, I will write you something and/or send you something nice (depending on who you are and whether or not I like you enough). I've been sending and receiving letters to and from my boyfriend's brother, Edwin, who's in basic training with the Army right now. Hearing (or reading, rather) about his experiences makes me laugh... He's such a funny guy. But yeaa... I always wanted to write my friends in college, but I don't know if there's a point. We all have cell phones. I can just call/text them if I wanna talk. Whatever though...

I started writing a story once... It was focused around a girl's diary entries. In fact, that's all the story was composed of. I don't know what happened though...

I never finish anything I start.

I wrote a couple of letters to President Bush several years ago, early in his second term... He wrote me back and he and his wife sent me autographed pictures. I don't know where they are though... My mama put them somewhere when we moved, and I haven't seen them since.

Just a little side note: My fishy does backflips, and he has yet to figure out that he can't swim in front of the thermometer that's in his tank...

Medical/Criminal Shows...

... are the SHIT!

I wanna be a Special Victims detective, a forensic psychologist, or a US Marshall now.

I gotta learn how to shoot a gun first.

Who Am I?

... No, who is he?

Click here to read this touching article about a man who does not know his own identity.

F*ck a Duck!

Saturday night was UT against Oregon. Everyone (including me) said that Oregon was going to beat us simply because they started off their season defeating a team 72-0! And even though we stomped the shit outta UT Martin last Saturday, the team played terribly, and there were huge questions on whether our team was up to par with the Fucks Ducks. Our entire football team in general, I believe, is pretty questionable this season. I don't know much about football — actually, I don't know anything about it at all. I never watched college football until I got to college, and even NOW, I don't watch it like that. Not that I don't want to... It's the fact that I can't. I have to focus on playing the damn music. -_-

Saturday was just a whole bunch of BULLSHIT, and not because we lost to Oregon 48-13 either. My day started off with waking up at 9:45 to take a shower. After that was done and over with and after I got dressed and ate breakfast (Honey Nut Cheerios), I grabbed all my shit (my band uniform, hat box, music, backpack, etc.) and made my way down to the lobby and out of the building. As soon as I got to the lobby, I saw it was raining massively outside, so I grabbed my umbrella which just so happened to be in my backpack from the day before and went on my way.

Side note: Do you know how incredibly difficult it is to hold a uniform bag and an umbrella at the same time?

Anyway... It was raining so hard that we had to start rehearsal indoors. We did a couple of run throughs of Pre-Game and Show 2, and then, they distributed our raincoats, and we went outside to march. I kept my hood up with the intention of keeping my face and my glasses DRY, but that didn't work out. As I marched and played, my hood fell and water splashed all over my face. It just annoyed the fuck outta me. On top of that, I didn't wanna be there, so my mind wasn't 100% focused. When we did Pre-Game, I messed up at the same part I always mess up on NOT KNOWING that I mess up... and as usual, the damn tenor squad leader yelled at me. That is what started the chain effect of pissed off Jenn. I was so mad, I just called my boyfriend and cried. I was pissed for the rest of the day.

Can't you tell? *side eye*

I'm mad no one told me my hat was crooked though. Smh.

Aww...

This article right here (click) touches my heart...

 

:'[

 

... I'm a cry baby. So what?

Major ≠ Career...

... or so my First Years Studies 101 book tells me.

I have realized over the past couple of years that the question "What is your major?" or "What are you going to major in?" often comes up a lot when students are discussing their future career plans or goals. I know from personal experience that every time anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always answered "doctor." It wasn't until the end of my junior year/beginning of my senior year that I decided that I wanted to be a pediatric cardiologist. Why do I wanna be a pediatric cardiologist, you ask? Because I was inspired by my mandatory visit to a pediatric cardiologist at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital when I was 15. I was born with and am still living with two heart defects, and seeing a cardiologist really sparked up my passion for working with children who share similar conditions.

Growing up, I always wanted to be a pediatrician. After learning more about myself and becoming more aware of my flaws and abilities, I realized that I probably wouldn't be a successful pediatrician due to my inability to control and contain my short temper and my ridiculously low tolerance and patience levels. I also realized that I didn't wanna work with adults with heart conditions, so I combined my two interests into one, ultimately creating a very successful career path.

How does this relate to my major? Simple. Right now, my intended major is Biochemistry and Cellular and Molecular Biology. I made this decision around second semester of my senior year (I was originally going to major in Chemistry). After doing a research project for my Health Science Education class, I discovered that most cardiologists majored in some type of Biological Science in college. I was going to major in plain ol' Biology until I searched the major catalogues for the University and Tennessee and learned that Biological Sciences majors have to choose a specific concentration to major in. The rest of them (Microbiology, Ecology, etc.) were of no interest to me, and you should be able to figure out the rest from there.

So here I am, a freshman wanting to major in BCMB, with a strong DISLIKE for upper-level mathematics. You might ask me "Jennifer, how do you expect to be a doctor if you don't like math?" Well, I honestly don't know... I just figured I'd push my way through college and do what I need to do in order to do well and to get into medical school. Hopefully, my plan works out. If not... I really don't know what I'd do. I don't have a second option or a back up plan in case my original one fails. If I don't get into medical school, I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don't really have any other strong interests that I could see myself pursuing a career in.

Anyway, the whole point of this entry is to say that college professors really don't pressure students to know what they wanna major in as soon as they enter their first term of college. I, on the other hand, believe that you should have a fairly good idea of what you wanna do with the rest of your life by the time you graduate – if not earlier. Students going into their senior year of high school with no idea of what college they would like to attend really upset me.

Like, really...

What the fuck are you doing with your life?

... That is all.

Game Day

So we started off the football season well... :] We beat UT Martin 50 to NOTHING! Then, again, it was expected... We didn't expect anything from UT Martin seeing as to how we've never had to face them before. As far as my performances, I think I did pretty well. I know I could do a whole lot better though, and I think that's what I'm gonna make my goal for next week. Well, now, I'm eating a chicken gyro waiting on my boyfriend to come back from Burger King. Then, I'm off to Nashville... again. I've been home every freaking weekend since school started. Isn't life amazing?

GO VOLS!

My birthday...

... was nothing special. I got to see my boyfriend though. :] I've been seeing him more than anyone I was supposed to be seeing from Nashville. *shrugs* Ohh, wells.

I still don't feel like an adult.

You know what I did though? Lol. I went to the gas station and bought a Black just because I'm finally legal to now. The funny thing is the guy didn't even ask me for my ID. He claimed I looked "old enough." Hell, I should've gone there a long time ago if that was the case... LMAO!

... I don't even smoke though.

Last two days...

... of being a minor.

I'm scared!

 

... I don't want to be an adult. :/

$#@!^&%*

... UUUGGGHH!

I am so MAD at myself right now... I set my alarm to go off at 6:30 AM so that I would have enough time to eat breakfast and walk to my 8:00 AM lab that is all the way across campus behind the stadium, and guess what? IT DIDN'T GO OFF! Or it did, and I just didn't hear it. Whatever the case may be, I'm not at my first lab of the semester right now, and I don't know how badly this is going to affect my overall grade. I also don't know how it will affect my relationship with my lab instructor, who seems very interesting (I'm referring to the bio she put on her lab site). I sent her a sincere e-mail explaining how sorry I was for missing the first lab, and I explained the situation that I wrote above. UGH! I can't get over this stupid fact...

I don't know what to do now. I don't want to show up to a lab two hours late, because there will be no point. I already missed the quiz and the assignments. All I can do is be there EARLY next week and come FULLY prepared. That means reading the next lab before hand, answering any questions it might ask, etc. I do NOT want to fuck up my first semester here all because of a damn alarm issue.

Favorite Days of the Week:

Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Why?

Because my hours are shorter on those days.

On Mondays, my schedule looks like this:

Math 130 from 9:05 - 9:55

English 101 from 10:10 - 11:00

Band from 1:25 - 3:20

On Tuesdays, my schedule looks like this:

Math 130 from 9:05 - 9:55

Biology 130 from 12:40 - 1:55

Band from 6:30 - 8:00

And on Thursdays, my schedule looks like this:

Biology 130 Lab from 8:00 - 11:00

Biology 130 from 12:40 - 1:55

It's a fact... Wednesdays and Fridays are my busiest days of the week. I hate them. This week, however, I may have the chance to have a day off of band practice. One of the assistant/associate band directors, Dr. Ryder, said that if we have a good rehearsal on Wednesday and we get done what we need to get done, we'll have Friday off. You know what that means... That means I need to study, study, study my music and my drill. Let's get on it, Jenn!

Oh! I'm going home (again) this weekend to celebrate my 18th birthday with my family. :] My birthday falls on Wednesday of next week (September 1st), and that weekend (Labor Day weekend) is the start of college football. Once football starts, I won't be able to go ANYWHERE until like, Thanksgiving. Blehh! >_< But yeaa... I'm gonna go home for the weekend and just go out to eat with my family. I hope they give me money. ;]

Classes...

... are alright, I guess. UT Knoxville officially started school yesterday, August 18th. I had three classes back to back. They were:

Math 130 from 9:05 - 9:55
English 101 from 10:10 - 11:00

First Years Studies from 11:15 - 12:05.

Let me tell you how my morning went. My Math class is not too far from my dorm. In fact, it's about 5 minutes away. My English class is on The Hill, which requires walking up 96 steps just to get to the very top where, lucky me (check the sarcasm), two of my classes are conveniently located. Anyway, so getting from Math to English shouldn't be too hard considering the fact that I have 15 minutes to get there. However, I got a little lost trying to find the freaking BUILDING, so I made it like thirty seconds before the class was scheduled to start. Luckily for me, our teacher didn't show up until like three minutes after... Lol. He had to walk up all of those steps from somewhere else, too. But anyway... After that class ended, I had 15 minutes to get to my FYS class all the way in Circle Park, which was NOWHERE near where I was. My best thought was to hop on the bus and ride it there, which should've taken only about 5 minutes. Unfortunately, they're doing crazy and unnecessary construction to Neyland stadium which is right by the hill, and that left us stuck in all of this stupid traffic mess for like 10 minutes. Long story short, I made it class 5 minutes late. Ohh, fucking well.

That class is really boring though... I just know it. After that, I had a short break before having to go to band practice from 1:25 - 3:20. I tried to ride the bus from Circle Park back to Cumberland where my dorm is located, but my dumb ass got on the wrong bus and rode all the way out to the Agricultural campus which is like WAYY off of campus. I was so mad. It wasn't my fault though, because well, I didn't know it was going out there. Yea, the bus sign said "A Express," but how in the hell was I supposed to know that? I'm a freaking FRESHMAN for crying out loud. It didn't help that the bus driver had a lil' attitude problem either. She was of no help at all. :/ I finally got on the right bus and made it back though... I had to rush to get my clothes on for practice, and I ate a ham and cheese lean pocket on the way. Practice went fairly well, and afterwards, I just went back to my dorm.

You know how in high school you sometimes got away with not getting homework on the first day? Yea, well, in college... You don't get that, haha. Professors are assigning homework assignments out the ass! It's cool though, because so far, it hasn't been a lot to handle. I just really have to cut back on my sitting around and doing nothing time... and my randomly browsing the Internet and chillin' on FB time... You know.

My dorm...

... is really boring right now. Earlier today, my roommate and I went down to one of my FB friend's dorms, and we were amazed at how she decorated her side. It seriously made us jealous. We were like "Omg, our room looks so plain and boring compared to yours." So I went to the poster sale today and bought two posters. One is black and white and has different pictures of couples kissing and being romantic. It also has a quote that says "Journeys end in lovers meeting." I'm going to hang it on the wall above my bed. I also bought a poster that I'm going to hang on my closet door. It has the "Footprints" poem on it, and I felt that it was a great example of spiritual inspiration that I know for a fact I need while I'm away from my home church. Oh, and simple fact about me: I love black and white photography. I'm gonna develop the pictures I've taken of nature and etc. in black and white and hang them all over my side of the dorm. It's gonna be really exciting, and my side will finally scream me for once. I'll take pictures and post later...

I'm...

... excited.

Why?

Because I'm moving into my permanent dorm in five hours.

These people...

... get on my nerves so effing much! Ugh!

I haven't been updating, because there's nothing to really update about. I'm still at band camp. The upperclassmen horns and winds players arrived today, so now, the entire Pride of the Southland is in session. I get a break tonight from practice to go to an all freshmen meeting in the band room. They're going to be talking to us about the history of the band and all that other stuff. This is the 141st year the band has been in existence. That's amazing if you ask me...

But as far as the title of my post goes, I snapped on I don't know how many people today. People are just REALLY pissing me off.

Band Camp...

... is not working out for me.

I hate it here!

... but I have to suck it up, I guess. I'm just not used to blood, sweat, and tears. I guess we all have to grow up sometime...

Seafood, Guys, and Street Performers.

Well, Saturday was my Going Away Dinner at Joe's Crab Shack (I originally started typing this post around 2:30 AM on Sunday, but I got too lazy to actually post it). Let me just say that the Devil was trying to get on my bad side the entire night! First, it started thunderstorming and shit a few hours before my dinner was supposed to start. Then, people were texting me hours before asking where I was having it or if they could bring extra people. I'm like "Are you serious?" But yeaa... Once Ashley showed up, things got a little better. We fought back the tears when my best friend, Joshua, texted us telling us that he was officially moving to North Carolina with his daddy. I was seriously in the bathroom brushing my teeth trying not to bawl my eyes out... :/ But anyway...

After a while, I put on my dress and started getting ready. My boyfriend showed up shortly after, and then, Ashley and I proceeded to my mama's bathroom to do my hair. I was gonna curl all of it, but then, we started running short on time, so I just said "Eff this." My hair's already naturally curly, so I just added a few loose spiral curls here and there and called it an evening. I started putting on some foundation, but the shit made me look pale as a mother effer, so I took it back off. I did do my eye make-up though... Shit was bad ass. ;] After that, I thought we were all ready to go... Then, the beaded halter strap thing on my dress snapped. I was like "Dude... Wtf. Are you serious?!" I spent forever fixing it only to have it snap three more times. I eventually got it to stay... However, I had to take off one of the jewel things. Blehh.

What do you look for in a man...

... besides a job to pay your bills?

My future brother-in-law posted that as his FB status. Here's my response:

"Well... I like a man who is honest, kind, caring, sweet, funny, intelligent, respectful, and down to earth. I like a man who will accept me for all of my faults and who won't be quick to judge me. I like a man who will provide for me as much as I provide for him, who will always be there for me whenever I need him, and who will never leave my side even when times are rough. I like a man who can just learn to appreciate the simple things in life, who isn't always focused on the big lights or the shiny watches or the glamour. Most importantly, I like a man I can totally be myself around. I don't wanna have to feel embarrassed about being a little gassy or accidentally burping out loud, even though nothing I do is an accident. I like a man I don't always have to dress up around. I like a man who will tell me I'm beautiful even when I still have my bed hair and the lil' crusts in my eyes. And you know what the beauty of all that is? I found all of that in your brother.
He's A M A Z I N G... ♥ and I love him."

I have...

... some of the most amazing friends in the world. :] Just saying.

All summer long, I've spent the majority of my time hanging around the same five people: Leah, Ashley, Edwin, Joshua, and Glen (my boyfriend). Yea, I've spent some time with a couple of more people maybe once or twice, but these five are pretty much the ones I see like ALL THE TIME. They're the ones with whom I have the most pictures with. They're the ones with whom I've made the most summer memories with. Everyone else? They've either been busy or we just never got around to it... Like, my best friend, Darrion, for instance. I miss him so much... -_-

Hopefully, this weekend, I will get all the pictures in the world with everyone. I'm having my Going Away Dinner Party at Joe's Crab Shack, and I'm expecting people to be there. How many exactly? I honestly have no clue... I gotta come up with some number to tell the people though, so they can reserve our tables/seats and junk. I really hope Joshua will be able to make it. He's moving to North Carolina on Saturday to live with his daddy. That flood we had a couple of months ago really took a toll on his household. He and his mother both lost their jobs, and now, two months later, things still haven't improved...

 Life sucks.

I feel like I'm losing all of my friends... Leah's going to Clarksville, TN. Ashley's going to Murfreesboro, TN. Darrion's going to Cleveland, TN. Edwin's going to the freaking ARMY! Joshua's going to Charlott, NC (sad face). And me... I'm going to Knoxville, TN.Wtf. I think the only person staying behind is like Glen. We're all going to be sooo far apart. It's not even funny. As soon as I found out exact addresses, please believe there will be a lot of writing involved... I will send photos and small gifts and etc. Facebook will also become even more of a friend to me than it already is now... It's crunch time.

I leave on Wednesday, August 4th, at 4:30 AM. I believe Leah's going to spend the night after we make CARE packages for the homeless/hungry and all that. This is so sad... While I'm suffering at band camp, all of my friends will still be packing and getting ready to leave. Darrion doesn't leave until the 13th, I believe. Ashley leaves the 27th. I believe Leah leaves around the same time. And Ed? He leaves for basic on the 18th, the day I start classes...

What in the world am I going to do?!

So apparently...

... I'm stuck up.

LMFAO! I can't even begin to express to you guys the invalidity of this statement.

Percussion Camp...

... was fucking HELL! I've never been so got damn sore or in so much pain in my mother effing life. Like, seriously... I know I haven't updated in a few days, and that's because I haven't had my laptop since Thursday. I left town early Friday morning, and for some odd reason, I decided to leave my laptop here... Stupid mistake. Umm, anyway... I arrived at my school like an hour early and had to sit there for two and a half hours doing nothing. Instead of doing nothing, however, I decided to get some extra practice in on my music. I thought I was gonna be the only girl at first. Then, this white girl came in and introduced herself. A lot of time passed by, and we thought we were gonna be the only girls. Then, ANOTHER white girl came. In my head I was thinking "Damn... Am I gonna be the only Asian on this drumline?"

... I am.

Well, anyway... Let me tell you about why this weekend was nothing but hell for me. Ok, so I wanted to march the bass drum, right? And I practiced and auditioned to play the bass drum. I thought I was doing pretty well, at first... Then, when I got called in to actually audition for the drum, I got so nervous that I effed the first piece up! I was sooo mad at myself. I like, kept beating myself up about it and all that jazz. Well, after a grueling two and some odd hours of just laying around waiting, we finally heard the placement of the line. Guess what? I didn't make bass drum. You know what I got? Crash cymbals. -_- Like, wtf, dude. I had never played cymbals before in my life! Ok, well, maybe I did once... but that was for a football game where I had to play the cymbal part during the National Anthem. I knew the part; I just couldn't play it... And let's just say that I messed it all up. HA!

But yeaa... I got cymbals. When I heard my name called for that section, I was really down at first... Like, I wanted to quit immediately. But then, I had to think rationally and tell myself "Hey, let's be positive. Let's be optimistic." And in all honesty, it was extremely hard to be positive. Like, I was sooo unsure of myself. I almost cried when we went to sectionals. PLAYING THE CYMBALS IS HARD AS HELL! Like, I never had an appreciation for people who played the cymbals, but shieet... NOW, I DO! After the first day of practice, I cried in the car on the way back to the hotel... It was so sad. I wanted to quit all over again. I kept telling myself that if the second day wasn't better, I was not coming back. My boyfriend told me to "Never let anything get [me] that upset." Didn't really work out...

I could go on forever talking about how much I hated practice, but I won't... I'll just sum it all up by saying that playing crash cymbals takes a lot of upper-body strength, something I am clearly lacking. Playing the drums was never hard for me... It never required that much upper-body strength. It just required back strength -- WHICH WAS FINE BY ME! But whatever... I can't change it now. As much as I miss beating a drum, I have to put up with learning how to play a different instrument. If anything, the only positive that came out of this is the fact that I'll be an even more experienced percussionist. Everything else that comes with playing the crash cymbals can kiss my fucking ass! Well, everything except for the fact that my arms are gonna be SUPER toned by the end of football season... Haha. But that shit's gonna hurt! :/ And hey, let's look on the bright side...

... at least I didn't get cut.