Tax Free Weekend

So this weekend was Tax Free Weekend in TN, and I did a lot of shopping. :] On Friday, I bought a lot of things I still needed for my apartment and just for school in general. On Saturday, I bought two pairs of jeans from Rue 21 (at BOGO 1/2 off) and 5 for $20 shirts/tank from Wet Seal (with this $50 pre-paid Visa gift card I won). I also bought a new pair of black/white Chuck Taylors and some black no show socks from Journey's. Overall, this weekend was a great weekend. I was upset at first because I wasn't scheduled to work Saturday, but then I realized that I wouldn't have been able to get any shopping done! So yea... I'm probably gonna buy some shorts before I leave. I wanna make a trip to Goodwill, so hopefully I find something(s) that I like. I really, really, really need shorts. With this 100+ degree weather, I can't stand to wear jeans.

Anyway, I move into my apartment next Monday the 15th and officially start my 2nd year of college on the 17th. I can't believe it's actually a week away... This summer feels like it's been going by so fast. Where has all the time gone? Last summer, I feel like I spent way more time with my friends. This summer, my main focus was work, work, work... and I honestly think that's where the majority of my time has been. I've also been taking Elementary French 1 online this summer, and I take my final exam for it this Wednesday. I really hope I did well in this class, because I've made A's on all of my assignments so far. I just really need to buckle down and study, study, study these next two days so that I can come out passing with flying colors.

I'm excited to start a new year at UT, but I'm nervous at the same time. I'm not exactly ready to not be around my boyfriend all the time just yet, but I know I'm gonna have to get over it. I'm also a little nervous about what this year's gonna be like living off campus with my friends. I'm gonna have to get used to doing things differently. I'm also taking my car to school this year, so I'm gonna have to worry about a plethora of other things. I really hope that my boyfriend will be able to visit me on weekends like he did last year. With his new job though, it's unlikely that it will happen; however, it would still be nice if he could. I know I'm gonna try my best to come home at least once a month to see my family.

Oh, did I mention that I'm getting $4352.50 back this semester from financial aid? I'm definitely saving a lot by not living in a dorm and by not having an actual meal plan. All that money is going towards paying my rent installments ($449/month). I will also be trying to get a job on campus this year, so I can have some extra money for groceries, shopping, my car, traveling, etc. This year will be the experimental test to see how I can live on my own. If I do well this year, I'll consider moving up to Knoxville for good until I finish my Bachelor's. That means finding a steady job off campus though, and I hope that won't be too much of a problem. Until then though, I plan to keep my job at the movie theatre. Maybe they'll move me up in ranks.

Femme Fatale Tour

So last night was the Femme Fatale concert in Nashville, TN... and guess who went? ME! I went with my bestie/sis, Ashley, and we had so much fun. We originally planned to sit a little closer, but we ended up sitting all the way up in section 301! It was ok though, cause our seats were dead center, and we were able to see the entire show. The show started with some group from Australia called Nervo opening and then it went to Jessie and the Toy Boys. She was great, but her speaking voice annoyed the hell outta me, lol. And those Toy Boys were just working it all over the stage. After Jessie and the Toy Boys was the infamous Nicki Minaj, and let me just tell you... She killed all of her performances! She did such an amazing job. I was reciting the lyrics to just about all of her songs. There was this one point where I was trying to record her performance when this girl in front of me stood up all in my way and shit... I was like "If this bitch don't sit down." And she turned around and looked at me, lol. Then, she and her friend moved down to the next row.

 After Nicki was done performing, there was like a 45 minute intermission period where people were scrambling to go to the bathroom and what not. On our way to the bathroom, Ashley and I saw a bunch of girls dressed in Britney outfits and trying to look like Nicki Minaj. We just laughed at them. Oh, and Ashley got trampled by this lady who needed to cut through the bathroom line to get to wherever the hell it was she was trying to go. She didn't even say excuse me. Uh, rude much? Anyway, when we finally got back to our seats, there were a new group of people in front of us who weren't even there at first. One of them was this big lady with a bad ass digital SLR camera taking awesome pictures of the show. I was jealous. My camera could only zoom in so far, but I got some nice pics!

Once Britney showed up, it went down. Everyone was going crazy. I was hype and excited during the songs that I knew, lol. She did the damn thing though. Every performance was on point, top notch, whatever you wanna call it. Her dancers were amazing, the lighting was amazing, the special effects were insane! All of her wardrobe changes were spectacular, and it's amazing how she maintains such a healthy figure after all she's been through. Oh, well. She showed her ass off last night, and I'm so glad that I was there to see it. I took as many pictures of the sets and the performances as I could, and I can't wait to upload them. Ashley and I didn't get out of the concert until around 11:00 something, and then we went to Taco Bell to grab something to eat before returning to my house.

Here's some pictures of us from our adventure:

Something Everyone Should Live By:

If you want people to do things for you, you have to give them respect. You can't throw a fit/have a tantrum/act like a total ass and still expect them to do things for you. It just doesn't work like that. I hate to break it to you, but...

The world does not revolve around you.

And while we're at it, let's add that you cannot always have your way. If something you have requested has been denied, OH WELL. GET OVER IT. Don't act like a baby and start whining. Don't make threats. Don't keep asking. And most importantly, don't ask why. The person potentially offering said service does not have to give you any explanation. Remember: You are coming to them for help. You need them. Not the other way around.

The reason I say this is because I went through this yesterday with my brother, David. I was sleeping when he decided to ask me to let my boyfriend take my car to take him somewhere. I said no. He threw a fit after a while and started making threats. A few hours later, here I am minding my own business, doing my French work online, studying for my midterm, when this mother fucker comes out of nowhere and starts talking shit. Talking about "Don't you get an attitude with me." Ok, first of all: Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? You are not my daddy. I am older than you are. Anyway... I told him he needed to shut up and leave me the fuck alone so I could finish my work.

Then he starts talking about he's giving me a warning or something. I was like "I don't need a damn warning." What, am I supposed to be afraid or something? He put his lil' pocket knife thing in my face like I was supposed to be scared... Please. And then he put it to my leg threatening to cut me... like a cut in the leg is really gonna do something. *rolls eyes* Again I told him to shut his ass up and get out of my face so I could finish my work.

He's always coming out of nowhere trying to start shit with other people when they are doing their own thing. You could be walking back to your car with your newly bought groceries, and this mother fucker would come right up to you and start provoking you up to the point where you want to just whoop his ass. Then, he'll try to switch it around and act like a victim and threaten to kill you or some other bullshit. *rolls eyes* If he thinks he can get away with acting like that in the real world, he has another thing coming. The world will eat him alive and spit him back out with no mercy. He's gonna come up on the wrong person someday and end up getting killed. Ask me if I'll feel bad for him...

So with all that being said, he did some more things like cut up some pillows with his knife and throw their stuffing parts all over the place thinking someone was gonna clean up after him... And after all that, guess who got yelled at? Me. I get yelled at by my daddy for not taking him where he wanted to go. On my way out to leave for work, my daddy asked why I wouldn't take him. I said "Why should I? He wants to run his mouth, threaten to stab me, threaten to shoot me, and you expect me to do stuff for him? It doesn't work like that. You don't throw tantrums and go messing up stuff just because you don't get your way. I'm not putting up with him. I'm not about to cater to him and give him whatever he wants." And that was that. My dad said no more and let me leave.

So once again, folks... If you want people to do things for you, you have to give them respect. ESPECIALLY if you're dealing with me. Don't come at me talking shit and expect me to give you something or do something for you. Let's put it like this... If your car broke down in the middle of the night in a secluded area with no lights and no gas stations nor service shops for miles and you called me, I'd leave your ass out there and let you get eaten by some wild animals.

Don't fuck with me.

I would love to visit...

... every state in the United States. I would also like to visit several countries in Europe including, but not limited to, England, France, Italy, Germany, and Spain. Let's not forget the countries in Southeast Asia as well as the Philippines. Oh, and I also want to visit the Caribbean Islands, Australia, Mexico, and Canada. Yup... Future travel plans.

Cooking with Glennifer...

Babe and I cooked dinner together for the first time! :] Here's what we had...

 Spaghetti, of course! :D

 Baby's salad.

 My salad.

 My salad drizzled in pomegranate vinaigrette.

For our salads, we used a baby spinach and spring mix, grilled chicken breast filets, grapes, raisins, monterey jack cheese, honey roasted pecans, tomatoes (for me), carrots (for me), and hard boiled eggs. He used ranch as his dressing, and as you can see, I used pomegranate vinaigrette. Let me tell you... The salad was delicious! The spaghetti was too, of course. I had a little technical difficulties with the spaghetti pasta, because the water didn't wanna boil, but everything turned out pretty nicely. 

Tomorrow, we're gonna make tacos and fruit salad. :] I will probably post pictures of everything tomorrow... Maybe I'll even take pictures during the process of cooking and what not. I'm forcing myself on a strict diet plan, so I can no longer eat fast food. I am forced to cook my own meals now if I wanna eat healthy. That's why today, I bought lots of fruits. I'm really excited about this new plan. It will be much better for my health in the long run.

Freshman Year...

Well, the end of my freshman year of college is drawing near... Next Friday is Spring Recess (Good Friday), and we don't have class. After that, there's only one more week of classes and then, the next two weeks (the 3rd - 10th) is nothing but exams. I have exams only during the first week, so I'll be home on the 6th. I am so grateful and thankful that this year is going to be over within a few weeks. I feel like I have been doing nothing but work, stress, eat, and sleep. I haven't really gotten much of the college experience (party-wise), but I do have a great understanding of what hard work means. My first semester, I slacked off big time and didn't really care about my grades... but after receiving an e-mail saying that I was at risk of losing a scholarship, I had to step my game up. My GPA first semester was a 2.82, and I need it to be a 3.0. Because of that, I've been busting my ass off (sorta) doing all of my homework assignments and studying for my exams. So far, I'm making A's and B's... We'll see how it turns out at the end of the semester. I still have finals and major papers and stuff to do, so I'm really worried about the end result. All I know is I have to just pull through these next few weeks and not allow myself to slip between the cracks...

History...

This afternoon, my roommate and I rode the KAT (Knoxville Area Transit) Bus downtown to tour the Blount Mansion for our English assignment. When we arrived, the visitors' center was closed and the doors were locked. We thought that was odd, because the place was supposed to be open. We called the visitation phone number several times to set up an appointment to tour prior to leaving, but no one would ever answer. We were discouraged until an elderly man walked down the hill toward us and asked us the time. He said he was waiting on a tour guide to meet him at 2:00 PM to start his tour. We decided to wait with him, hoping that we would be able to tag along.

It's amazing the kinds of people you may run into while downtown... I say this because this old man was very interesting. My roommate and I carried on a conversation with him for about 20 minutes. In that time frame, we learned that he was originally from Washington, D.C. and that he loved history. He loved it so much that he was currently touring the country to visit all of its historical sites and landmarks. Prior to coming to Knoxville, he visited a place in Virginia... and his next stop was in Nashville to visit Andrew Jackson's home, The Hermitage. He had a 21-year-old cat that died last week (which made him very sad), but he finally had the time to travel without having to worry about its well-being.

When we told him we were both Pre-Med students, he told us that he was actually a retired Emergency Room doctor. He got his M.D. from a college in Nebraska and did his undergrad somewhere else. He said he was certified and licensed sometime during the 70's (I don't remember the exact year) and that he was one of the first people in the country to be certified as a practicing physician. He even told us that he used to live in Las Vegas and that he was planning on moving back there sometime after his tour.

Talking to this man was really nice... I've always heard that we (younger people) need to take some time out to talk to some elderly folk every once in a while. From my stand point, they can be pretty interesting. It's always nice to hear stories about their childhood, or what they've accomplished so far in their lives, or anything of that nature. Meeting him really kinda made my day (as lame as that may sound). Normally, I'd never talk to a stranger, but this gentleman was extremely friendly and even acknowledged my roommate and I as his friends.

I hope he has a safe trip across the country...

It's Been Great...

Last night while my boyfriend and I were playing Uno, he put down his cards and said to me, "Baby... I'm not ready for you to go." I looked at him and responded, "I am leaving soon, huh?" It didn't dawn on me that we have spent every single day of my Christmas break together. There hasn't been a single night where I didn't sleep in his arms on the couch in the living room. Every morning, I have woken up with his arms around me. Every morning, I have woken up to his smile and sweet kisses. On the days we decide to sleep in, he holds me until I'm ready to get up and then, he sleeps some more (if he's that tired). It's gonna be really hard to readjust back to the college lifestyle and not always having him there.

Although this break has been great, I'm still not completely satisfied... My best friend, Darrion, and I made all these plans to hang out and what not during the month that we were back home, but we only saw each other once. I'm the one to blame. I only stopped by his house once, and after leaving his house, I didn't want to see him for a while. All last week, he said he was at home and that I could stop by whenever I wanted. Did I? No. I didn't even make an attempt. I thought about it, sure... I kept asking my boyfriend to take me, yes... But I just kept getting caught up in other plans, going out to different places, all of these other things... and I didn't even get to see him before he left. I don't even know when he left; maybe it was yesterday. All I know is today is his birthday, and I don't get to see him. Fair enough... He didn't see me on my birthday either.

I know I'm not leaving to go back to Knoxville until early Tuesday, but I feel like my break is already over... Today is my cousin's last full day here, and I don't even think we have any plans. Tomorrow, I have to take her back to the airport and watch her as she flies all the way back to Houston. With these last two days, I want to see a movie, hang out with my friends, have game night, make funny videos, take silly pictures, look at the stars, go out to eat, I don't know... Do everything. I hate that this month has flown by so fast, but I know Spring break is only a couple of months away. Everyone might not have the same Spring break, but at least I'll be home again. College is fun, but in reality, there's no place like home.

Vanderbilt Women's Health Center.

Today was my first visit to an OB/GYN. I had never gone prior to today, because I was afraid of what the visit would be like. I also didn't go, because I would have had to taken my mother with me, and she obviously doesn't know about my sexual history or my sex life. Anyway, my appointment was at 10:45, and I showed up about four minutes late. I waited for a while and finally went back there. When I got on the scale, I had on heavy clothing. When it said that I weight 170.4 lbs, I was shocked. I KNOW I don't weigh 170 lbs. The scale was LYING! No bullshit. Seeing that really discouraged me though... It made me feel really, really bad. Enough about that though...

My gynecologist was very nice. She let my cousin and my boyfriend sit in there while she asked me a ton of personal questions. When the time came for the actual pelvic exam, she asked them to leave and left so that I could get undressed. The experience was kind of strange, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Since she is a first year Resident, she had another doctor in there as well as the nurse who took my urine sample. I don't really know how I felt about three different women staring into my vagina at the same time, but whatever. It didn't really hurt... Then, again, according to her, it wouldn't hurt since I'm sexually active.

I also made the decision to start birth control. I'm gonna be taking Loestrin, a low dose birth control that will help shorten and lighten my periods (I'm hella irregular). I haven't had my period since October, and I'm NOT pregnant (they did a pregnancy test). I also got a lot of blood work done to test my ovaries for something and my adrenal and pituitary glands and all this other shit... Yea. It was a lot, but I was glad when it was all over. I guess my main fear about birth control was the possibility of gaining weight, but my doctor reassured me that with proper diet and exercise, I will not have any weight gain. That makes me feel a lot better, because I am actually trying to lose it.

Tonight, we're going bowling. Thursdays, ladies are free from 9:30 PM - midnight, so I'm gonna take advantage of that and take my cousin. The only thing we have to pay for is our shoes, and that's just $3.00. Tomorrow, we're gonna bake a cake and then... I don't know what else, lol. She leaves on Monday, so we're just trying to get a lot done. I get to see my brother, Paige, today! :] I haven't seen him since he graduated back in May. I'm really excited. I hope we have fun, because I really suck at bowling. Hopefully, no one will laugh at me tonight, lol... and hopefully, there won't be any drunk people there staring like there were the last time.

--- Edit 01/07/10 @ 2:32 AM ---

Paige didn't go bowling with us.

Happy New Year!

Well, everyone... 2010 was a year full of many memories, both good and bad. I honestly can't even remember all of the things that went on this past year; I do, however, know that through it all, I never lost sight of who I truly am and what is important to me. In 2010, so many bad things happened, I thought it was going to be the end of the world... Figuratively, of course. Middle Tennessee had a snow storm that left us out of school for like a week. Then, we had that crazy flood that kicked us out of school for another week. A bunch of people died, people lost their homes, and Nashville was in recovery for like six months! On the plus side, I graduated from high school in May and started a brand new life in college three months later.

The best thing that happened to me last year, I think, was getting into a relationship with my boyfriend. I have never been in a relationship for an entire year before, and by year I mean like starting in the month of January all the way through December. It's been amazing watching the two of us grow and learn. It's also been hella crazy watching how fast our relationship has developed and how I basically feel like I've known him my entire life. It feels like we're already married and shit, because we practically do everything together.

Our one year anniversary is coming up on the 24th, and I'm extremely excited to celebrate it with him. I haven't been in a long-term relationship since I was in elementary/middle school, so being with someone for this long really means a lot to me. It's not even about being with someone for almost a year though... It's about watching that person change and develop into such a mature, respectful, and outstanding partner throughout the year. It's about realizing how shy we both were in the beginning to noticing how ridiculously comfortable we are with one another now... It's about putting your trust into someone and smiling as you watch that trust grow into something much more beautiful. It's all about the time, the patience, and the effort... and I truly believe that I put A LOT of that on the table last year.

I'm not gonna keep going on and on about my relationship though. I also wanna talk about the many friends I have made and lost all in the same year. One of my closest friends, Ashley, and I got cool again second semester of our senior year. We hadn't talked for like three years, and I decided to just let it go and give her another shot at being my friend. My best friend, Joshua, moved away to North Carolina in the summer. I made a new best friend in college named Brad. I got closer to my girls, Devin and Alyssa. I thought I lost a very good friend whom I had known and been friends with for eight years, and we made up after months of not speaking. I became great friends with my roommate whom I've only known for five months. I reunited with my sissy, Leah Beah, and our relationship has never been better.

I have learned so many things in 2010 that I would like to take with me into the new year. This year, I hope to bring my grades up in school and to actually focus and work hard at accomplishing my dream. I also hope to be a little nicer and a little more respectful towards the people that I care about the most, especially my parents and my boyfriend. They're the ones I'm the hardest on. This year, I also hope to communicate more with my friends and my loved ones... and to learn how to spend time with everyone equally. Most importantly, I hope to get my nose back in the Bible. I have fallen off lately, and I want to try my best to read every day this year. I know that I can't just read the Bible alone though... I have to actually apply the lessons to my life and live the way that God sees fit.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a blessed day... and I hope everyone had an awesome New Year. Once again, Happy New Year everyone!

PSA:

My besterest friend in the whole wide world is here!

Merry Christmas!

... and a Happy New Year!

So I'm currently in Natchez, Mississippi spending Christmas with my boyfriend's family in his hometown. This is the first Christmas where I haven't been close to home, and it's very different for me (I'm like 500+ miles away!). Most of his family lives on the same street, so I'm anxious to meet everyone and eat up a whole lot of great food. The trip down here yesterday was long and tiring, but it was really nice to see Ma Jean, Glen's maternal grandmother. She gave me like six different hugs, because she was so excited to see me. It felt great. I've never received warm hugs from a grandmother before, because well, I don't really have one. My living grandmother is in Vietnam, and I've only met her twice. I don't even know if they celebrate Christmas.

I can't wait to get back home and see my family... I wonder who's feeding my fish? Hmm... On another note, my favorite cousin and best friend, Jessica, is flying in from Houston Monday night. She'll be arriving at 11:00 PM, and of course I will be there to greet her. We have a lot of things planned for the two weeks she'll be in Nashville visiting me, and I can't wait to catch up with her and have fun like old times. It's been so long since I've seen her, ya'll... The last time I saw her was when I flew to Houston the summer of 2009. We didn't do much there, but I enjoyed her company. I just can't wait until she gets here. It will be one wonderful reunion.

For Christmas this year, I got a matching beanie, scarf, and glove set from my mama. My little sister also gave me a $25 Wal-Mart gift card, which I used to buy my Clean and Clear Advantage 2-in-1 Acne and Mark Eraser Kit. My boyfriend bought me The Sims 3 for PC. Ma Jean gave me $15. I don't know if I got anything else really... and that's fine. I didn't really ask for anything. I bought myself a double-breasted hooded peacoat jacket thingy from Wet Seal, and I bought my mama one as well. Wet Seal was having a BOGO 1/2 off, so I took advantage of it, haha. I bought my other mother, who is also one of my pastors, a Bath and Body Works gift set in the scent of Jasmine Cherry Blossom. She loved it. She called me crying and everything. It made me feel really good.

This Christmas, for me, was all about giving to the people I cared about. I know I was unable to give everyone something, but I really did try. Times are hard you know... and money is tight. I just hope everyone knows that I love them and care about them. When my cousin gets in town, we're gonna get our ears pierced, and we'll buy each other ear rings. For New Year's, we'll be going to Gatlinburg with my family and just having a great time. I'm really looking forward to the remainder of 2010... I have a feeling it's gonna be worth remembering.

Eat, Pray, Love.

After watching this movie and reading a post written by LaLa, I have decided that I really want to find myself. For years, I thought I had a pretty good idea of who I was, what I loved, what I enjoyed, what I wanted out of my life. But now, I realize that I am actually very, very lost. I’m not 100% at peace with myself, my life, or my accomplishments. I am not satisfied… only content.

In all honesty, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m tired of being so angry and disgruntled all the time. I’m tired of being ticked off and pissed off by every little thing that doesn’t go my way. I’m tired of feeling as if the entire world is full of nothing but incompetent, ignorant, good-for-nothing idiots. I’m tired of being so… negative. Negativity, in my book, equals unhappiness, and well…

I’m tired of being unhappy.

So for the remainder of 2010, I am going to enjoy what is in front of me… I’m going to make the most of my memories and try my best to be more positive, more loving, and more caring. In the upcoming year, I hope to truly better myself and make more of an attempt at bettering the people around me. I hope to dedicate more time and effort to my school work. I hope to be kinder, nicer to people… especially my friends. And most importantly, once again, I hope to find myself…

The real Jennifer; a brighter, wiser, happier, more vibrant Jennifer.

Live in the Moment.

Tonight as I was blowing out the smoke from the watermelon and strawberry hooka I was sharing with my friends, I came to a great realization… I am too uptight. Seriously… After smoking tonight, I felt so chill, so calm… Like, tonight was the first night I felt relaxed all semester, and the semester’s basically over. It felt good being relaxed. It was almost a numb feeling. I don’t know if I’ll smoke regularly or if I’ll ever smoke again, but I do know that spending quality time with Devin and Alyssa really allows me to just be carefree. All I wanted to do was sleep. When my boyfriend called me angrily, I didn’t even try to argue with him. I just calmly hung up the phone and went about my night.

I went to my very first “rave,” but I didn’t enjoy it very much. Sure, the jumping up and down was pretty fun, but it didn’t take long for me to get tired. I wasn’t wearing a belt, so my pants almost immediately fell down. My shirt also came up, so my belly was just all out (and that just ain’t cute). I had to hold onto my phone with my life, because if not, I would’ve lost it in all of that craziness. Devin and Alyssa each got a chance to crowd surf, and Alyssa damn near fell on her face (or lost her life). Afterwards, we all just hung out with a couple of more friends and took crazy pictures.

All in all, tonight was a great night. It’s the most fun I’ve had all semester, and that says a lot. I never really left my dorm other than going to class or getting something to eat, and it feels good that I got out for a change. I got to spend the past two nights with some of my favorite people in the whole world, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Yea, I took a huge step today and did something I said I would never do (smoke), but it was worth it. I think I needed it, and I’m glad I experienced it. I know now, that whenever I want to just let loose and have some fun, I can call my girls and they’ll just show me one hell of a time.

I’m just anxious about what Christmas break will bring…

Fact:

Today's my mommy's birthday. :]

I have...

... some of the most amazing friends in the world. :] Just saying.

All summer long, I've spent the majority of my time hanging around the same five people: Leah, Ashley, Edwin, Joshua, and Glen (my boyfriend). Yea, I've spent some time with a couple of more people maybe once or twice, but these five are pretty much the ones I see like ALL THE TIME. They're the ones with whom I have the most pictures with. They're the ones with whom I've made the most summer memories with. Everyone else? They've either been busy or we just never got around to it... Like, my best friend, Darrion, for instance. I miss him so much... -_-

Hopefully, this weekend, I will get all the pictures in the world with everyone. I'm having my Going Away Dinner Party at Joe's Crab Shack, and I'm expecting people to be there. How many exactly? I honestly have no clue... I gotta come up with some number to tell the people though, so they can reserve our tables/seats and junk. I really hope Joshua will be able to make it. He's moving to North Carolina on Saturday to live with his daddy. That flood we had a couple of months ago really took a toll on his household. He and his mother both lost their jobs, and now, two months later, things still haven't improved...

 Life sucks.

I feel like I'm losing all of my friends... Leah's going to Clarksville, TN. Ashley's going to Murfreesboro, TN. Darrion's going to Cleveland, TN. Edwin's going to the freaking ARMY! Joshua's going to Charlott, NC (sad face). And me... I'm going to Knoxville, TN.Wtf. I think the only person staying behind is like Glen. We're all going to be sooo far apart. It's not even funny. As soon as I found out exact addresses, please believe there will be a lot of writing involved... I will send photos and small gifts and etc. Facebook will also become even more of a friend to me than it already is now... It's crunch time.

I leave on Wednesday, August 4th, at 4:30 AM. I believe Leah's going to spend the night after we make CARE packages for the homeless/hungry and all that. This is so sad... While I'm suffering at band camp, all of my friends will still be packing and getting ready to leave. Darrion doesn't leave until the 13th, I believe. Ashley leaves the 27th. I believe Leah leaves around the same time. And Ed? He leaves for basic on the 18th, the day I start classes...

What in the world am I going to do?!

027.

Life is... forget it. I don't have the words to describe it. Every day seems to go by so slowly. It's as if the world is trying to play with my emotions by making me think that graduation is approaching any faster than it already is. Everything seems to be going down hill right now. My grades in two of my AP classes don't seem to be improving much... In fact, I think my grade in Calculus is just getting worse. Whyy? I still haven't turned in any work. Well, yesterday, I turned in a simple outline... but what's an outline to a 20-problem homework assignment? My best chance is to take the 9 weeks test next week and pray that I make a passing grade. Cause right now... this 40 I have ain't cuttin' it!

I did bring my grade up in AP Lit from a 52 to a 65 though... just by turning in one little assignment, a valediction that I had to write. I made a 100 on it. :] Now, I just have to turn in this A Lesson Before Dying journal that was due last week... along with the assessment. I also have a paper I need to write and submit. Ooh, scratch that 65. My grade in AP Lit is now, a 70... I just checked Gradespeed. She gave me a 100 on my ALBD journal that I haven't fully submitted to her. I only submitted half of it... less than half of it. Ohh, wells. Those are the joys of being a student of Mrs. Donna-Michelle Copas. She gives you grades.

Things with my boyfriend are... Idk what you would call it. Last night was the first night I didn't even want to be around him. I couldn't stand to look at his face... I couldn't stand speaking to him... I didn't even want to kiss him... and that's odd coming from me. He just made me so upset. In relationships, I've always been the person to go out of the way to make the other person happy... and I've often been taken advantage of because of that. With him, I only want to make him happy... But in doing that, am I supposed to sacrifice my own happiness as well? -_- *sigh* ... I just don't know.

Maybe my emotions are just growing out of control right now. I just got off my period a few days ago, so maybe that has something to do with it. Idk, I'm just really emotional. Everything's been irritating me, working my nerves, testing my patience... Everyone's just been pissing me off, hurting my feelings, annoying the fuck outta me... Like my boyfriend. He annoyed me last night. We made up and everything, but now... I'm annoyed again; more so hurt than annoyed, but whatever. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me... I know he doesn't seek out to do so intentionally. But sometimes... Sometimes it's just the things that he says that gets to me. Sometimes it's the way he responds that gets to me. Sometimes it's the fact that I always want to be with him or I always want to talk to him and when I start to feel as if I'm being ignored, I take it out on him. I shouldn't do that, huh...

I only hope and pray that no matter what it is that we go through, we always work through it. Cause right now, I feel so sad... and so bad. I hate when things aren't happy-go-lucky. I hate when I'm not smiling when I think about him. I hate when I'm not laughing. I hate when I'm not around him. *sigh* I miss him so much... and I was with him last night until I left around 12:26 AM. I guess that's just how much I enjoy being around him, how much I enjoy his company. When you haven't seen someone in five minutes or an hour or a day, and you miss them... I believe that's something serious, something unexplainable. You know what I call that? I call it love.