Day 12: The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain.

Honestly... I don't think I can even write this letter. I don't know who the person I hate the most is, nor do I know who caused me the most pain. I'll give it some thought...

Day 11: A deceased person you wish you could talk to.

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

I don't even know who you are... Neither does my mommy. We've never met you, and as far as we know, you're both dead. Granny, I know mommy said there's a chance that you might still be alive out there somewhere... And she's been looking for you. She really has. *sigh* I've always been a little jealous of all of my friends who have/had their grandparents in their lives. All the memories they made, all the things they learned, all the love that was shared... Yea, I don't have any of that. I could never say "Ohh, I'm going to my granny's house." or "Ohh, my granny/granddaddy bought me that." It really hurts... It really hurts that I know absolutely NOTHING about where I came from. When I have kids, and they ask me about our family history, all I can say to them is "I don't know, baby... I don't know my family. Don't be discouraged though, because you know yours." I don't like this at all. I really wish you would have been in my mama's life... I really wish you would've been in my life. I really wish you would've been there the day I was born, to watch me grow, to watch me learn, to share all of my most important memories with me... You weren't there for any of my birthdays, and here I am, approaching 18. You weren't there for my high school graduation -- the highlight of my life. I really wish you knew the things I have had to live through... I really wish you knew how incredibly successful I am. I really wish you could be proud of all of my accomplishments and all of the growth I have made. I just really wish you knew... As much as I wanna say it, I can't even say that I love you... I don't even know you. You have been nothing more than a spoken concept, an idea. I know nothing about you... Neither do my parents. And that sucks... Really bad. Wherever you are, I just hope that you're proud of me... Cause that's all I ever want you to be.

Love always,

Your inexistant granddaughter

"Did they fucking see Casper?!"

"... Do you wanna go, bitch?!"

Day 10: Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to.

I can't single out any specific person. I don't talk to a lot of people that I used to be incredibly close with. To name just one would be... I don't know. I forgot the word for it. I guess over the years, I've just grown tired of always keeping in touch with people. It's not that I don't love them anymore... We've just all moved on with our lives. We're doing bigger and better things (well, someone of us)... We have different interests, different passions, different lives. I'm not gonna say that I regret losing touch with these people... I'm just gonna say that it would be nice to know how they are doing from time to time. As for the ones that I don't talk to anymore intentionally, well, what can I say? I don't speak for a reason.

Always,

Jennifer

Day 9: Someone you wished you could meet.

Dear (insert random celebrity here),

You seem pretty cool... It would be nice if I met you. We could like, share ideas and take lots of pictures together. We could even have meaningful conversations about our interests, passions, and dreams. Yeaa... That would be pretty awesome. My friends would definitely be jealous.

Forever delighted,

Jennifer

"Girl, it's a Photoshoot..."

I took my sister on her own little photoshoot today... I was the photographer of course. :] Click "Read more" to view more pictures. I'll only be posting my favorites. These pictures would be so awesome if the red date weren't on them...

Day 8: Your Fave Internet Friend.

Dear Christina,

You are my freaking Brain Twin! I met you back in 2005 on that lame (it's lame now, lol) B5 forum. We have sooo many online memories together that I wish I was lucky enough to say were in person. I remember when I thought you were Alicia Keys, haha... Cause that's who you had as your avatar. I remember how you used to like Patrick, and how I used to be overly obsessed with Bryan. Look at them now... Eww. I remember when we used to be on Xanga 24/7 writing like there was no tomorrow... All the haters and that big net war we had when that girl called me an ugly hoe or some shit like that, lol. We all went in on her. I remember all the stories I used to write about B5, and how everyone, including you, would all be on the edges of your seats waiting to read more... I still talk to them (Marcy, Dominique, Christine, Shakira, Nikita, Timberly...) by the way. I remember you starting a story, but never finishing it. I remember when we met Alexandra aka Lexi on Xanga, and we started our own little group/clique, CLJ. I remember that bomb ass banner we had on our site, lol... We had a MySpace music page and everything. We were so determined to be singers... You know what's funny? I still have some pictures of you from back then, lol. You look sooo different now, but each year, you get more and more beautiful in my eyes. :] I remember you got with that dude, Aaron, from Georgia... And all that bullshit he put you through. :/ And I remember the one thing wrong I ever did to you was talk to him after you guys broke up. I'm still sorry for that just so you know... You may have forgotten about it by now, but I didn't. Anyway, for the past 5 years, you have been SUCH an amazing person to talk to. I remember the first time I called you on the phone, I sounded all white... Haha. And ever since then, we haven't spoke on the phone. All we do is text... But that's ok. :] In due time, we will meet each other and it will be like we've known each other our entire lives. I tell you everything, girl... I've talked to you about so many guys, so many relationships, so much shit... And through it all, you've done nothing but give me the best of advice and tell me the God honest truth. You've never lied to me, I don't think... And I hope that for the rest of our lives, you never do. Christina, you are my Brain Twin, because we think so much alike. We like the same things, we have the same thoughts... It's crazy. Just the other day, I was texting you without the slightest clue that you were texting me, too! Lol. I'm proud to have a Brain Twin who is as smart, kind, caring, down to earth, and beautiful as you. It still sucks that we didn't get our braces at the same time... :/ But whatever, at least that's another thing we have in common, haha. I really and truly do love you, girl... From the bottom of my heart. If you lived down here, or if I lived in Vegas, we would DEFINITELY be attached at the hip. Remember when I said that? Haha. Remember how you used to be a CRAZY Jay-head? I don't know if you still are, but you had like every pair of Jordans that came out. I envied you for that. I thought you had like madd crazy money, haha. Ohh, and another thing I just thought about... Your room was like light purple. MINE WAS, TOO! Haha. Weird shit. But for real, I think we were made to be really great friends... And no matter how far away you are from me, I'm glad that I met you. I can't wait till we fly away to Cancun and make memories with sexy foreign men... LMAO! Joke. I love you just the way you are, Brain Twin, and I never want you to change for anyone. Thanks for everything.

Love always,

Your Brain Twin

Suicide over oil spill?

Seriously? I'm not passing judgement or anything, but I just don't get it... :/

Read the article here.

Day 7: Your Ex-Bf/Gf/Love/Crush.

Dear Kendrick (aka Shortie),

Let me first start off by saying that you were truly my first love. I will never forget the many lessons you have taught me and the many lessons I have learned after being with you. You picked me up when I was at my lowest point, and you stood by my side when I needed you the most. I gave you everything; I gave you all of me... Literally. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together... Run away to Georgia after graduation, take my sister with me, start a new life... We were supposed to have little Black, Puerto Rican, and Vietnamese babies with hazel eyes and fair skin... You were supposed to be my knight in shining armor, my backbone, my world, my heart, my hero, the love of my life... Well, I can say that you were most of these things for quite some time... I was in love with you. No matter what people told me, I always ran right back to you. I never understood why, but something about you just overpowered me. It was almost as if I couldn't take my eyes off you, I couldn't stop thinking about you, I couldn't do anything without you... It was like I needed you to survive. And for a long time, I actually believed that. Well, I'm sorry to say that I don't feel any of that anymore... Sure, I still give you credit for being the first real boyfriend I ever had. Sure, I still compare my relationships to what you and I had. Sure, I still think about how sweet you were and how much you seemed to care about me. However, alongside all of the good things about you, there were also many bad... You broke my heart. You drove me back into the dumps, and after you, I had an extremely hard time finding trust in a guy. I was skeptical about relationships and skeptical about love, and it was all because I refused to believe that I could ever end up with anyone else but you. I was one stupid, little girl. I look back on it now, and it's kind of funny how in love I thought I was, and I was only 13. It took me two years to get over you, and right when I thought I was finally going to be ok, you came running right back into my life again... I never understood what it was. I never understood why after all the shit you talked, after all the shit you pulled, you still came back to me... Even after I didn't want you. I guess I always knew I was the perfect girlfriend. I told you the last time, though, that if you wanted me to be in your life, things had to change... And for a little while, I actually believed all the hype you told me... Despite the warnings my best friend left me. I warned you though... I warned you that if you lost me this time, you would lose me forever. I told you that that was the last time I was going to attempt at trying to make things work with you. Well, unsurprisingly, you let me down again... And now, after four years, I've moved on. Now, I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me for me and who never wants to do anything to hurt me. Now, I have a boyfriend who respects me, protects me, and goes out of his way to give me what I need. He showers me with affection... Something you managed to do without consistency. You had me so confused for the entire time that I knew you... I was convinced that we were meant to be together, and you lied, tricked, and manipulated your way back into my life over and over again. After all you have put me through, I still can't say that I hate you... In fact, deep down inside, somewhere, at the bottom of my heart, I still love you... and the only reason I do is because you were the one who taught me how to love. Although you didn't treat me the way I wanted to be treated most of the time, although you're still a careless player who doesn't know what he's going to do with his life, although you make some of the most idiotic decisions beyond compare, I still love you... But I will never, EVER be in love with you ever again. And as far as I'm concerned, you are nothing more than a part of my past that has contributed tremendously to the change and over-all growth of a better me. Thank you...

Sincerely yours,

Jennifer

Seriously, NY?

Before I do anything online, I always check my homepage, AOL, for any recent news updates. I don't know why, but I like to keep updated with what's going on all over the world. If it interests me, I read... If it doesn't, I pass. This morning was no different. The very first news report it had listed was about a small high school in Brooklyn that the New York State Department of Education is trying to close, along with 18 other high schools it deemed as "failing." You can read the article in full here. After reading this, I am highly disturbed confused and irritated. Everything I learned in school in US history about the struggle African-Americans had to experience in order to receive an equal education, Brown vs. Board, the Little Rock 9, seemed to have been COMPLETELY forgotten by the idiot people who are attemping to shut down 19 public schools in the state of New York. Do they not understand the damages that alone will do to the city, the community, the students, and their families? Not to mention the several hundred teachers in need of job replacements... What the fuck, New York? You are disappointing me.

What's terrible is that this small high school only graduated like 35 students out of its entire senior class of I don't know how many... The article didn't say. However, because the state is trying to close the school, there is a fear that there won't be an incoming freshman class in September. I feel so bad for that school and the rest of the public schools in danger of closure... Although the state courts ruled in favor of the wonderful teachers who appealed the state's unlawful decision, there is still a chance that the state will attempt to do it all over again next year. Bastards. -_-

Can someone please answer my question? When did shutting down schools of struggling minorities ever fix the problem of, let's say, struggling minorities? And I italicized that to emphasize my frustration. Schools are the heart of many communities. They not only provide the education that we all need to succeed in life, but they also act as the safe haven for many people -- children and adults alike. Schools are one of the few positive resources and outlets built in place that could help reduce the rates of teenage criminal activity. If you put a child in school, keep them there, enroll them in some type of extracurricular after school program, they won't have the time nor the need and/or want to do anything illegal... like selling drugs or gang banging, for example. 

*sigh* I just want to know what the fuck was going through the minds of the officials who brainstormed this bullshit...

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING STUPID, NEW YORK! >:[

Sue me.

As black as second-hand smoke emitting from a partially lit cigarette...

Found this on Brain Twin's Tumblr... This picture is disgusting.

Here are 10 facts:

1. Cigarette smoking kills over 430,000 people each year in the U.S. alone. That's more than all the deaths caused by car accidents, AIDS, drug abuse, and murders combined.

2. A cigarette takes away 10.7 minutes of your life.

3. Smokers over the age of 35 are more likely to die from lung disease and are up to 22 times more likely to die from lung cancer than non-smokers.

4. Someone dies every eight seconds from tobacco use.

5. Among teens (aged 13-15), about one in five smokes worldwide.

6. Cigarette smoke contains 11 chemical compounds that are known to cause cancer.

7. Every 10 minutes, cigarettes are sold.

8. Smoking is the single largest preventable cause of disease and premature death. It is a prime factor in heart disease, stroke, and chronic lung disease. It can cause cancer of the lungs, larynx, esophagus, mouth, and bladder, and contributes to cancer of the cervix, pancreas, and kidneys.

9. Tobacco is an addictive substance.

10. Smoking-related diseases kill one in 10 adults globally, or causes four million deaths.

Effing disgusting... but true. Stop smoking, people. Seriously.

"Everybody sees it's you..."

Ok, I found this on my Brain Twin's Tumblr... This is so freaking adorable!

Moving On...

Every teenager around my age talks about how much they can't wait to move out and move onto college... Well, I am here to tell you that I am not one of them... *rewind noise* ... just kidding. I really am ready to move out and get it over with. Tonight, after getting in another one of those arguments with my father, I realized how much I don't care anymore... and how sensitive I really am. Every time we argue, it always ends in him saying something around "I don't care anymore. You can take care of yourself. Blahblahblah." And every time, I don't say anything in return, because well, arguing with him is just asking for trouble. Tonight, however, was incredibly different.

Tonight, as he was ranting like he always does, I simply responded "Ok, Dad. I hear you. Keep talking." He was talking about how I don't do anything for them, and how I don't ever help around the house (which is a total lie), and how he's not gonna take care of me anymore and not help me with my transition to college and all that other bull... He was like "From now on, you can take care of yourself." My mother, like the soldier she is, replied with "Hasn't she been doing that her entire life? When have you ever done anything for her?" I couldn't believe she said that... but it's true. The only thing he has ever done is provide me with money and other materialistic things that he apparently thinks can win over my love and respect. Well, guess what, Dad?! I already love you and respect you, despite the undeniably pathetic bullshit you have put me through. You wanna know why?! Because you're my damn father. -_- But that's beside the point...

The entire 14 years I was in school (Pre-K - 12), I taught myself. I never had any help with any homework or any projects from either one of my parents like the rest of my friends... I put myself through school. Thank you, public school. And I'm basically putting myself through college, because I only filed my mother's tax information on my FAFSA application. He's not paying for anything. Anything that was ever a major necessity for me, I learned on my own... No credit to him. But that's ok... Cause I'm glad I'm not that spoiled, dependent brat who throws a fit every time she doesn't get what she wants... Like my little brother! But I'm not gonna get into that...

Anyway, after all that pointless yelling and ranting he did, I had a talk with my mom about how every day I realize how much I care less and less about everything. I told her my main objective is to get to college and to take care of myself and my responsibilities... and how I don't need him bitching at me over stupid shit. I told her living in our house gets more difficult every day... and how it annoys me how bipolar my father is. One minute, he's happy and smiling in my face, and then, not even five minutes later, he's yelling at me all over again. GET THE FUCK OVER IT! SHIT! -_-

My mother and I shed some tears as I tried to explain to her how hard it really is for me right now, trying to focus on school and trying to satisfy everyone else at the same time. I told her how I'm going to school far away from a lot of my friends and how I don't wanna spend the rest of my summer locked up inside of a box, like I was my entire life... I told her how hard it is to work for Vector right now, when you don't have anyone to call and set up appointments with... It seemed like she understood. She told me I didn't need to worry about getting a job right now, and that I needed to focus on keeping my grades up in school. She even asked if I needed her to start working seven days a week again to help me pay for college... But I don't need her doing all of that.

Anyway, the whole point of me writing this post is really to just express my feelings... I want people to understand that I am not the same person I was years ago. I will not let people get to me anymore... I used to cry whenever I lost friends, I used to just let people speak to me however they wanted to, I used to let people walk all over me... I'M NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE! I'm tired of that shit. I'm tired of people questioning me. I'm tired of people thinking they can use me for whatever-whatever and then, just throw me back out like I'm some sort of lost pet. I'm not having it anymore... If you don't want to be a part of my life, get the fuck out. Don't sit around being negative and wasting my time and effort... I don't need anymore stress than I already have. I'm about to burst my own bubble.

If there's anything I have learned from this experience we all call life, I've learned to always stay true to yourself. If you don't stand up for what you believe in, and if you don't hold fast to your dreams, people will walk all over you and will never take you seriously... Well, it's time for you to take me seriously, world. I'm not a baby anymore... I've done a lot of growing up over the years, and I know what I want. Ohh, and just so you know, I'm GOING to get it no matter what... And I'm not letting anyone stop me... Not even a drunk, verbally abusive, confused, and bipolar father.

Anonymous.

... Someone's following me anonymously. I can feel it. My dashboard says I have 18 followers; my page says 17. Who is this mystery follower? I'd like to know who they are... I don't like creepers. That is all.

Day 6: A Stranger.

You know... Leah and I were talking about how odd this one is. Hmm.

Dear Stranger,

Obviously I don't know you yet... I wonder when we will cross paths and when you will no longer be what you are... A stranger. You know, I don't like strangers... Don't be one for long.

Sincerely,

Another Stranger

Day 5: Your Dreams.

Dear Dreams,

You scare me sometimes... I want to accomplish you so much to the point of insanity. You have always been the main reason I do anything successful. Over the years, you have adjusted and changed to suit my personal likes and needs... But you have never failed me. You're like Jesus... You're always there. You've never given up on me, and I will never give up on you. No matter what happens in life, I will always try to reach you. I will always try to fulfill you and make you proud... Proud of me. You and I... We're going to be the best of friends one day. One day, we're going to be sitting back in our ginormous house with our wonderful husband, and our beautiful children, and our bank accounts with lots and lots of hard-earned $$. I love you for being my backbone. These next four years in college are going to be a real eye opener for us... We're going to be faced with lots of challenges and obstacles, but if we stick together, NOTHING can stand in our way. I don't really have much to say... But I just want you to know that I'm proud of you... and I'm never going to let anyone bash you or convince me that I'm stupid because I want you.

Love always,

Me

Day 4: Your Siblings (or Closest Relative).

Dear David and Marie Ann,

Omg, you guys get on my mother effing nerves! Ugh! ... but I wouldn't trade you for the world. After all, you only get one brother and one sister in your life... Unless your parents are crazy and have like a ridiculous amount of kids or something, haha. But luckily, I was blessed to be the older sister of you two fools. Let me start this off with David... Dude, you are so annoying. I don't know what has gotten into you over the past few years, but you need to stop. You need to learn how to respect people and get in your place.... Cause I can almost guarantee that if you go out into the real world like that, the world will eat you up and spit you back out with the quickness. NO fucking mercy. Check yourself. Anyway... I've watched you grow ever since mama and daddy brought you home from the hospital. You used to be so cute... Now, you're just disgusting. Blehh. Ohh, wells. You're the only little brother I have, and you'll always be my little brother... I pick on you because I love you. I fight you, because I love you. I CORRECT you, because I love you and because I don't want you to go out there and do the same stupid shit... Duhh! Get over yourself and actually listen for once. Quit thinking you're all big and bad and that people are afraid of you... Because the truth is nobody is. Umm... What else? Ohh, right. Bruh, you are like incredibly smart... Act like it. Quit doing stupid stuff that keeps you behind. You'd go far in life if you actually thought before you spoke or did anything. But enough about that... On to Marie Ann. Ree Ree! Girl, you can be so annoying at times, but I love you to death... You are my baby, and you always will be. I remember when you were born... David and I were at the hospital. You were such a cute little thing... :] From that day on, I was designated as your unpaid baby sitter. I don't regret raising you, because I taught you everything you know! You're such an intelligent young lady... And I know you will excell in all of your classes no matter what. I know you're only eight, and you probably don't fully understand it yet, but I am going off to college... And I know you're gonna miss me. I'm gonna miss you, too... Hang in there though. I'll come home to visit you whenever I can... You just gotta be strong. Be strong for me. You'll be the only girl left in the house except for mom, and you have to help take care of her... You know she's getting old and weak now. And you know David's gonna drive her and daddy insane! So yeaa... Be good. And quit disrespecting your brother! You have to live with him for the next two years until he moves out and goes off to college... Then, you'll be all by yourself. You'll be just starting middle school... All alone. I feel so bad for you. :/ Both of your siblings will be in college, and bam... You'll be just starting middle school. Ohh, wells. That's what you get for being the baby, I guess. I love you sooo much, baby girl. Don't you ever forget that! When I come home, I wanna see a HAPPY little girl... Not the cry baby I've been raising all of my life. Ok? So yeaa... That's all I have to say. The two of you need to stop fighting and start getting along! I'm not gonna be around for long to save you. If you don't learn now, you will eventually...

Love always,

Your big sis

Reality Check.

According to thefreedictionary.com,

Friend:

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

Trust... *sigh* Why is it so hard to trust people nowadays? Every year, I notice that the population of real people out there is decreasing at an exponential rate... But why? Why is it so hard for people to just "keep it real?" Why do I feel as if I am the prime example of a real friend? These are rhetorical questions, btw. I don't really know what to say right now... All I know is I'm just gonna stop caring about people... Not people in general, but just... I don't know. I'm gonna quit worrying about trying to maintain my friendships with people. If they wanna go, I'm just gonna let them... Cause why waste my time? Why waste my precious breath trying to work things out with someone who doesn't give two fucks? ... My point exactly.

The moral of this post is that I feel as if I don't have many true friends. I can probably name a few right off the back, but if I have to seriously think about it... What does that tell you? Maybe people don't like to be real with me because of my attitude or something... I don't know.

Shouldn't that make you wanna be real even more?!

Gosh, I'm tired of all this bullshit... Like fa'real. You go eight years of being friends with somebody, thinking you guys are gonna be friends for the rest of your lives, truly believing in your heart that they will always be there to support you no matter what, sincerely having a special place for them in your heart, loving them with all the love that you got, to have it all be thrown away like it was nothing... And over a fucking girlfriend? Seriously? Leah, I know we've talked about this already... And no, I haven't talked to him yet... But he deleted his Facebook, so... Whatever. This is the second time this has happened to me... I'm gonna start being fucking ruthless now. No more kind, sensitive, caring Jennifer. I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna stop giving a fuck just like everybody else is.

Day 3: Your Parents.

Dear Mom and Dad,

*sigh* You guys get on my nerves so much... Smh. But I love you anyway. I know raising me for the past 17 years, 6 months, and 20 days has been rough... But I really, really, really appreciate all that you have done for me. As the first person in our family to graduate high school and go to college, I'm pretty sure you are beyond proud of me. Thanks... I'm proud of myself, too. No matter how rude I may act towards you, I want you to know that without you, I would not have made it this far in my life... You have provided me with the roof over my head, the clothes on my back, the shoes on my feet, the glasses I need to see, the braces straightening my teeth, the earrings in my ears, the piercings that I wear, the car that I drive, the food that I eat... You get the idea. You've provided me with just about everything. And I know I don't show it often, hell I may not even act like it, but I really do love you guys. Often I have said that I wish I had different parents or that I wish I were never born, but I realize now, that I am extremely blessed to have parents like you. Many people aren't fortunate to say that they live with both of their parents. Many people aren't fortunate to even have both of their parents alive and breathing. I have to learn to stop taking you for granted and to cherish the moments I have with you while you're still here... I don't know what my life would be like if I didn't have you to run to. Listen... I know you guys are gonna miss the hell outta me when I move away... and trust me, I'll miss you, too... But you just gotta let go sometime. I'm not a baby anymore... And I would really appreciate it if you stopped treating me like one. Stop sheltering me. Stop locking me in a box. I wanna get out and explore... I wanna discover new things... I wanna be free. And I will not gain true freedom until I leave for college. And since you guys aren't letting me DRIVE my first year, you'll never have to worry about me getting lost somewhere... Cause whenever I wanna come home, I know all I have to do is call. Anyway... Thanks for loving me and caring about me... I know that's what parents are supposed to do, but thanks anyway. Now, I think it's time to get real... You each have put me through a lot of bullshit... There have been numerous times where I actually questioned your love for me. Some of the things that you say sometimes... Like how you should have aborted me... or how you wish I was dead... Yea, that shit hurts! And I know I don't tell you how I feel up front, but you really shouldn't say things like that. Your children will believe you. In fact, I believed it so much that it drove me to the point of insanity... I wanted to kill myself. Hell, I TRIED to kill myself. I know God wouldn't put me through anything I couldn't handle though... So I guess I'm thankful that we got past that and that we moved on with our lives. Thanks for listening. Oh, and thanks for finally allowing me to have a boyfriend... Lol. He's really sweet, and I know you can tell that about him already. You should go ahead and get used to him, cause he's gonna be around for a long time... That's all I have to say for now. I'll try to write while I'm gone... Or better yet, I'll just call every night like I know you want me to.

Sincerely yours,

Jennifer

30 Day Letter Challenge

Day 2: Your Crush.

Dear Baby,

You're not really my crush per se, but you are my sugar bear. I love you so, so, so, so much. ^_^ You make my life complete, and I'm proud to call you my boyfriend. Oh, and I'm also proud to be your lady! Teehee. Ever since I met you, I've been much happier... I don't know what it is about you that makes me so weak. Whether it's your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your hugs, your kisses, your touch... Blehh, I don't know. I just know that I love being with you, and I plan to stay with you for the rest of my life. You mean the world to me... I never want to lose you. I promise I will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER do anything to hurt you intentionally... I would call you my world, but you're not there just yet. For right now, you're my heart... and that's where you will stay forever. I feel like this letter is getting long and pointless... Like everything I'm saying is boring and cliche. Ohh, wells. I don't care... I'm doing this because I love you. I love every second I spend with you. I love all the precious moments we share together. I love that I can trust you to protect me and be there for me... Like any real man should. I love you so much for caring so much about me. I love you for always wanting the best for me. I love you for always wanting to spoil me, lol... Even though you don't have to. I got my own. ;] But yea... That's all I can really say right now. I'm gonna miss you ohh, so much when I'm in college... But just know that whenever I come home, things will be much, much better. I promise.

I love you, baby.

Forever yours,

Jennifer


30 Day Letter Challenge

"Tale as old as time..."

Beauty and the Beast

So I definitely went to see Beauty and the Beast: the Smash hit Broadway Musical tonight! It was AMAZING! My head still hurts from having to focus from all the up in the balcony, but hey... Whatever. I still enjoyed the performance(s). The actors/singers/dancers were all magnificent. They kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I don't have much to say about it right now, but I am sooo happy that I was able to see it. Tonight was the first time I have ever watched a Broadway musical, and I must say... It was an amazing experience! I can't wait to see even more productions.

Watching the people perform really opened my eyes to appreciate theatre even more... As I sang along to the classic songs from my childhood, I realized how much I loved to sing. I was never interested in theatre though... But that's beside the point. I think it would have been a whole lot of fun if I would've gone with the people I originally planned to go with... But shit happens. There's nothing we can do about that. I'm just really glad I didn't let unfortunate events mess up my chances of having fun for a change. I'm still excited right now, and the show ended a couple hours ago... ^_^ I think I'm gonna go look up the lyrics to my favorite songs from the movie and sing them now.

Ohh, I almost forgot... Happy Father's Day!

30 Days.

30 Day Letter Challenge.

Well, my Brain Twin, used to blog here, but she moved to Tumblr due to the layout restrictions. I also have a Tumblr blog, but I haven't posted regularly in what seems like ages... Anyway, I randomly decided to stop by her page today, and I noticed a post she did for this 30 Day Letter Challenge. It seemed very interesting, so I thought I would join. I think I'm gonna start right now.

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Day 1: Your best friend.

Dear Jessica,

You've been my best friend since sometime in middle school... I can't remember. I dropped the term "best friend" for you a long time ago, because to me, you're just like family. I love you so much more than you could ever imagine, and I hope that you never forget that. We've been through so much together... The lying, the crying, the cheating, the fights, the arguments, the laughter, the hugs, the smiles, everything... and I really hate that we're apart. I got so used to always having you by my side... Two years without you has been pretty rough. You know everything about me, girl. I tell you EVERYTHING. You were the one girl I could run to whenever I was in need of some advice. You were the one girl who knew how to keep my head on straight. You were the one girl who knew how to keep me from going insane! I miss you sooo much. Life without you is pretty freaking boring. -_- I can't wait until you visit us again. Anyway, I just want to take the time out right now, to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. I want to thank you for being the wonderful person that you are, for being an inspiration, and for being my hero. Yes, I called you my hero, because without you, I don't know how far I would've made it in life... You are the equivalent to the other side of me, and no one could ever take your place in my heart. Remember how we made plans to always stick together no matter what? Remember how we talked about raising our kids together and having girls night outs whenever we were mad at our husbands? Yeaa... I'm still looking forward to those. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. ♥ I'm holding onto everything, chica. I'll never forget. I promise.

Love always,
Me

Virginity.

I saw this on Shakiraa's blog, and I really thought I should post it for you guys to see. 

Good reads.

I always claim reading as one of my hobbies when the truth is I don't even read books like that... I spend most of my time reading blog posts, Facebook statuses, comments, etc. Well, right now, I have an opportunity to read a lot. Nashville Public Library is hosting this summer reading competition where kids, teens, and adults have the chance to win different prizes. I heard about it when I was at Leah's house. I found the flyer thingymajigg on her table. Well, I registered online today, and for now, it says I only have to read 10 hours. My sister's already read 7... and I've read 3. I really need to start reading some more!

My question to you guys is:
What are some good books out there to read?

I bought a book from the library the other day for $1. It's called Things Left Unsaid. It sounded like a really good book, so I figured "Hey, why not buy it?" While reading through one of my old Xanga's, I found that I once read this book called Speak. If I remember correctly, I really enjoyed reading that book... Maybe I'll check it out again and give it another read. It'll almost be like the very first time reading it, since it's been a good 4 years since I read that book.

Right now, I'm reading Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. It's a park of the Life of the Mind program all incoming freshmen of the University of Tennessee have to participate in. The book is about a doctor who cures illnesses in the poor, desolate country of  Haiti. It's pretty good so far... Then, again, I'm only on Chpt 2.

From Keys...

 —YOUR BOY SIDE—-

You love hoodies.

You love jeans.

Dogs are better than cats.

It’s hilarious when people get hurt.

Shopping is torture.

Sad movies suck.

You own a car racing game.

You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.

At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.

You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

You have watched sports on TV.

Gory movies are cool.

You go to your dad for advice.

You own like a trillion baseball caps.

You used to collect hockey cards.

Baggy sweats are cool to wear.

It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors or all.

You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

Sports are fun.

You talk with food in your mouth.

You sleep with your socks on at night.

You have fished at least once.

—-YOUR GIRL SIDE—-

You love to shop.

You wear eyeliner.

You wear the color pink.

You go to your mom to talk.

You consider cheerleading a sport.

You hate wearing the color black.

You like going to the mall.

You like getting manicures and/or pedicures .

You like wearing jewelry.

You cried watching The Notebook.

Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.

Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

You don’t like the movie Star Wars.

You are/were in gymnastics.

It takes you at least one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

You smile a lot more than you should.

You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

You care about what you look like.

You like wearing dresses when you can.

You like wearing high heel shoes.

You used to play with dolls as little kid.

You like putting make-up on others.

You like being the star of everything.

Pink is one of your favorite colors.

Appearance •

I am shorter than 5’2

I have many scars.

I tan/burn easily

I wish my hair was a different colour.

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.

I have a tattoo.

I am self-conscious about my appearance.

I’ve had/have braces.

I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.

I have more than two piercings.

I have / had piercings in places besides my ears.

• Embarrassment •

I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.

Disney movies still make me cry.

I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.

I’ve glued my hand to something.

I’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.

I’ve had my pants rip in public.

• Health •

I’ve gotten stitches.

I’ve had my appendix removed.

I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.

I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.

I’ve had serious surgery.

I’ve had chicken pox.

• Experiences •

I’ve gotten lost in my city.

I’ve seen a shooting star.

I’ve wished on a shooting star.

I’ve seen a meteor shower.

I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.

I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.

I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.

I’v been to a casino.

I’ve been skydiving.

I’ve gone skinny-dipping.

I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

I’ve crashed/rolled a car.

I’ve been skiing.

I’ve been in a musical.

I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.

I’ve seen the Northern Lights.

I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.

I’ve played a prank on someone.

I’ve ridden in a taxi.

I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I’ve eaten Sushi.

I’ve been snowboarding.

• Relationships •

I’m single.

I’m in a relationship.

I’m engaged.

I’m married.

I miss someone right now.

I’ve gotten divorced.

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

• Honesty / Crime •

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.

I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.

I’ve snuck out.

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am .

I’ve cheated while playing a game.

I’ve ran a red light

I’ve been in a fist fight.

I’ve been arrested.

• Death and Suicide •

I’m afraid of dying.

I hate funerals.

I’ve seen someone / something dying.

Someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.

You have planned your own suicide.

I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

• Materialism •

I own over 5 rap CD’s.

I have an unhealthy obsession with anime / manga.

I own designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.

I own something from Pac Sun.

I own something from The Gap.

I own something I got on E-Bay.

I own something from Abercrombie.

• Random •

I can sing well.

Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.

Open up to others easily.

I watch the news.

I don’t kill bugs.

I sing in the shower.

I am a morning person.

I paid for my cell phone ring tone.

I am a sports fanatic.

I twirl my hair.

I care about grammar.

I have “?”’s in my screen name.

I love spam.

I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.

I bake well.

My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange

I would wear pajamas to school.

I like Martha Stewart.

I know how to shoot a gun.

I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.

I laugh at my own jokes

I eat fast food weekly.

I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.

I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.

I am really ticklish.

I like white chocolate.

I bite my nails.

I’m good at remembering faces.

I’m good at remembering names.

I’m good at remembering dates.

I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Damn...

I don't really know why I'm being so emotional or whatever right now, but I do know that my feelings are hurt... I've been reading this boy, Micky's, Facebook page, and I noticed how many people really love and miss him. He was murdered last month at a graduation party in Smyrna, and it's still sad to think about to this day. I never knew the kid, but I know people who did... And my heart goes out to them. I don't know what I would do if someone I loved left me... like Delo did. After reading all of their comments and stuff, I just really started to think about the way that I treat the people I call my friends, my family, and the one I call my love. I'm so awful to him... Tonight, I told him that I hated him for not coming home... I wouldn't even talk to him. I texted him a lil' while ago, crying, telling him how much I loved him and how much I don't wanna lose him... -_- *sigh* This is getting so hard...

I don't have enough words to tell each and every person I love how much they truly mean to me... I can't even think of everyone's name off the top of my head, because there are just sooo many. So many people have come into and left my life, and it's very difficult to keep track of how many people I actually know. All I know is before I leave for college, I want each and every person to hear or read a lil' something from me... I want them to know and understand that they will always have a place in my heart... and I want them to know that I am thankful that they are a part of my life... Even the ones who hurt me. Speaking of which, I should get back in touch with my ex... The one I don't speak to anymore. I need to let him know how I feel before it's too late... Cause the truth of the matter is, if he were to die tomorrow, I'd be all over the place.

Colors.

Well, LaLa from Simplest Form of an Elle is participating in this "Color Week" contest. I wasn't going to do it at first, but I decided to snap some photos today. Here they are...

"1,000 Miles..."

"And you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you... Tonight. *piano music*"

Well... Leah and I went to the Coleman Community Center today. We jogged, walked, and speed walked a total of 2 miles... TWO MILES! I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but shoot... It is to me. If you didn't already know, I am TERRIBLY out of shape. 14 laps around the indoor track equaled one mile, and I could barely jog two laps around the track without damn near passing out. -_- Ess. Emm. Ayche. After we had our little work out, we went to Wendy's and Burger King. I bought an apple pecan salad with no bleu cheese and a baked potato. I also got a free junior sized chocolate shake, because well, I donated a dollar to that adopt a child fund... Whatever that shit was called. Leah got a veggie burger and some fries from BK. After we got our food, we went back to her crib, where I still am, and watched Wall-E. :] That movie is sooo freakin' adorable. Can you believe I had never seen it before today? I'm totally missing out...

Leah before we went to the gym...

She was stuck in a bucket! Lol.

Xanga...

Does anyone remember that shit? Lol! I'm sitting here going through all of my old blogs. The oldest one I found was from like November 2005. I had some all the way back to May 2005, but those got deleted. Anywho... I seriously have like NO life, lol.

Summer Shopping.

I started on some summer shopping yesterday after my baby girl's birthday party. I went to TJ Maxx yesterday, and I went to Cool Springs and Wal-Mart today. At TJ Maxx, I bought a pair of shorts and a pair of sandals. I tried on several dresses, some of which I really liked, but I didn't buy them because of either the price or the size. At Cool Springs, I bought another pair of sandals. And at Wal-Mart, I bought a tube dress. Click the "Read more" link to view the pics from both days.

"Somewhere Out There..."

 This made me cry, ya'll... On some real shit.

Session #3.

Ok, I'm back from orientation. Let me just say that I really need to work on time management and getting enough sleep. I fell asleep during just about every informational session we had. The only thing that excited me was when the orientation leaders danced to "Rocky Top" and did those funny skits. I don't really feel like getting into full detail, but I do want to talk about how much I love Devin Woodmore and Alysa Sparks. I stayed with them in their dorm last night (they're already in school for the summer session). I helped Alyssa write a paper for English while we ate s'mores. They were so good. :] I had fun with them and my daddy, Mason, while I was there... I won't see them until they come home, but even then, I doubt we'll hang out. And when school starts, things are gonna be so effing hectic.

I found out today that instead of moving in on August 14th like the rest of the university, I have to temporarily move in on August 4th. Because I'm a part of the drumline, my band camp starts on the 4th and runs all the way until the first day of classes... That means I don't get to go home! That also means that my parents have to bring my stuff on Thursday, August 12th to move me into my permanent dorm. I don't like at all... That means I have to have everything packed before I check in for band camp. To add to the list of disappointments, I won't be able to come home for Labor Day weekend like I wanted. I originally planned on coming home Friday and going back Monday night. Unfortunately, we have a football game on Saturday, September 4th... That means I won't be able to celebrate my big 1-8 with my family. -_- So lame.

On the bright side, however, I got my schedule for the fall semester. :] I'm registered full-time for 14 hours. The only classes I have are Biology 130, English 101, Math 130, FYS 101, IP 100, and Band. IP 100 is an Interdisciplinary Program for pre-med students. I don't have the exact class times for that seminar yet, but I'm really looking forward to working with doctors and etc. My band class really is just composed of all my rehearsal times... MWF from 1:25 PM - 3:20 PM and T from 6:30 PM - 7:45 PM. For the most part, my afternoons are free. :] That means I'll be able to take lots and lots of naps... College is going to be fun.

Orientation.

Summer Orientation is FINALLY here! I've been kinda sorta anxiously waiting for this to come around for the past five months... I have orientation Wednesday and Thursday. I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon after my CNA training class, because I don't wanna drive at 2:00 in the freaking morning just to make it on time to check in (which is from 7:00-7:45 AM EST). I'm sooo nervous, yo. I've never driven that far BY MYSELF before. The two times I've been to Knoxville, either my daddy drove or my boyfriend drove. This time I'm all by myself... I guess this will give me the chance to actually grow up and get out there on my own. *exhales profusely* I gotta be strong... I can do this.

On another note, I cut my hair again and I dyed it deep burgundy. :] If you didn't know any better, you would think my hair was purple! It's ok though, cause it's down right gorgeous. :] I really love it... and I'm sooo happy I finally got rid of all of that bleach blonde and orange.

One part bitchy; two parts sweet.

Jay-J Nguyen: (noun)

A girl who puts on a front so that she doesn't have to deal with people; a girl who is truly sensitive and emotional at heart; a girl with lots of confidence and a brain and a mouth to back it up; a girl who doesn't hold her tongue for anything; a girl whose intelligence gives her a reason to speak what she feels; a girl with serious trust issues; a girl who's trying to change; a girl who has semi-low self-esteem; a girl who dislikes her own body; a girl who is incredibly lazy; a girl who gets her feelings hurt easily; a girl who doesn't care, but at the same time, does care; a girl who's hard to understand; a girl who may or may not be hard to love; a girl whose anger gets the best of her; a girl with a short temper; a girl who talks a lot; a girl who has a hard time shutting up; a girl who has a hard time letting go; a girl who holds a grudge; a girl who needs to learn how to forgive; a girl who loves too much; a girl who loves too hard; a jealous girl; a girl who's overprotective; a girl who's greedy and selfish; a girl who doesn't like to share friends; a girl with abandonment issues; a girl with a mending heart; a girl with language barriers; a girl a lot look up to; a girl who doesn't like to give up; a girl who tries too hard; a girl who cries a lot; a girl who has a lot to offer; a girl who is scared...

Vector ≠ Scam.

I can't help but laugh and/or get angry when people tell me or tell other people I know and/or my friends that working for Vector Marketing is a scam. It is so not a scam. Vector Marketing offers so many benefits, and it's better than working an hourly job that only guarantees you one form of income: minimum wage. With Vector, you get to work YOUR OWN HOURS, which is great for people who have classes or other jobs. Also, if you go on vacation, or you want to take off just because, YOU CAN DO THAT, without having to worry about getting fired or whatever.

The biggest problem newbies tend to have is that you have to pay for the sample set, which costs $151.86 if you're in Nashville. You've gotta understand that $151.86 is a HUGE DEAL! The sample set you're using to make your sales is worth almost $600... And if you don't want to keep it, you can return it and you get your money back. If you do want to keep it, you can without any extra costs. And if you want to sell it to other people, you can sell it for up to full retail price and make a profit. If you think about that from a business-like POV, you will hopefully realize that that is a great investment.

Also, working for Vector Marketing guarantees that no matter what, you will always get paid. It's not like other commission jobs where you only make money if you sell something. With Vector, you get paid just to show the product to people who are qualified. A qualified customer is someone who is at least 25 years of age and has a steady income.

Bottom of the line, working for Vector is not hard. You shouldn't down something until you try it out... I can probably guarantee that I'll make more money than the people I know working at Wal-Mart, Kroger, McDonald's, or Burger King... and I'll move up in management in less than half the time.