One part bitchy; two parts sweet.

Jay-J Nguyen: (noun)

A girl who puts on a front so that she doesn't have to deal with people; a girl who is truly sensitive and emotional at heart; a girl with lots of confidence and a brain and a mouth to back it up; a girl who doesn't hold her tongue for anything; a girl whose intelligence gives her a reason to speak what she feels; a girl with serious trust issues; a girl who's trying to change; a girl who has semi-low self-esteem; a girl who dislikes her own body; a girl who is incredibly lazy; a girl who gets her feelings hurt easily; a girl who doesn't care, but at the same time, does care; a girl who's hard to understand; a girl who may or may not be hard to love; a girl whose anger gets the best of her; a girl with a short temper; a girl who talks a lot; a girl who has a hard time shutting up; a girl who has a hard time letting go; a girl who holds a grudge; a girl who needs to learn how to forgive; a girl who loves too much; a girl who loves too hard; a jealous girl; a girl who's overprotective; a girl who's greedy and selfish; a girl who doesn't like to share friends; a girl with abandonment issues; a girl with a mending heart; a girl with language barriers; a girl a lot look up to; a girl who doesn't like to give up; a girl who tries too hard; a girl who cries a lot; a girl who has a lot to offer; a girl who is scared...

I got this idea from a post that Juanetta Dobbins did. I recently started following her, and her post really made me want to think about the ingredients that make up who I am. I'm having a little difficulty thinking of everything, but here are some points...

1. Attitude - Anyone who knows me or knows of me knows that I have a really, really, really bad attitude. Everything just seems to either irritate me, annoy the crap outta me, or just piss me off. I don't know what it is, and I don't know why... I'm just an extremely angry person! My attitude causes me to speak rudely to people without even realizing it. People have to check me sometimes, because I do it so naturally. I think my attitude is one of the biggest things that defines me, because well, it just makes me who I am. How I act and how I react to the things around me really say a lot about me. I just don't give a fuck sometimes! Don't let the bad attitude fool you though... There is so much more to me behind the curse words and the mean mugs. :]

2. Intelligence - I have always been a smarty pants, a nerd, a geek, a dork, a SMART ASS if you will... The only reason I would ever make a bad grade is if I was lazy and just didn't feel like doing the work. [I've done that quite a lot actually... Especially during senior year.] In elementary school though, I would always make the Principal's List. :] [That's when you make straight A's.] In middle school, people would ask me to help them with their work and stuff like that... It got on my nerves sometimes, but for some reason, I felt like I had power, lol... Still do. Aaanyyywaaayys, my intelligence has helped me come a long way. :] Just about everyone knows me as the "smart Asian girl with the glasses." I don't really like that I get stereotyped into that whole "You're smart, cause you're Asian," type thing, but whatever... It is what it is.

3. Heart - I, personally, think that I have too much heart... Although I don't show it sometimes, all the time rather, I really do care a lot about people... especially my best friends. I would do anything for my best friends, and that's coming from the bottom of my heart. I go out of my way sometimes to do things for the people that I care about, and a lot of times, it goes underappreciated. That's ok though... I don't really ask anything of them. I just want them to be there when I need them to be... See, I'm not all evil. Also, growing up, I tended to wear my heart on my sleeve. I would fall in and out of relationships and allow many guys to break me... I'm glad I'm not like that anymore. My past relationships - all the heart ache, the lying, the cheating - have all helped me become a better person. If there's anything I could ever thank my exes for, it's for helping me grow...

I can't think of anything else right now... If I do, I'll update.