I've never been a girly-girl...

... and I confess to not knowing exactly how to even be a girl aside from having monthly (if I'm lucky) menstrual cycles, large and prominent breasts, and a vagina. I mean... Those are the things that define women as women, right? You could easily argue that men have breasts, too, but they're not what I'm talking about. They're not meant to be there. They usually develop because of some genetic mutation or because of something simple really... Fat. But back to the subject at hand...

I own two pairs of heels: a black closed-toe pair made be George (bought fromWal-Mart) that I wear to church and when I want to look business professional for an interview or something... and this other black sling peep-toe pair with rhinestones that I bought from Ross (or TJ Maxx, I forgot) one day because I thought they were cute. I wore them a few times, but they really hurt my feet... I might have to buy some of those Dr. Scholls inserts for women. But yea... Other than that, I don't have much experience walking in heels. I like 'em... I just don't wear 'em.

As far as clothing goes, when you look in my closet, you see nothing but t-shirts and jeans. Real talk. I spent the entire summer trying to develop my image as a girl, and my attire still boils down to the chill, laid back, homegirl type of dress. I hate it. Ok, I don't really hate it... I just hate that I don't know how to dress up or dress out. I see all of these pictures of my female friends and other women that I know who dress so beautifully on a regular basis, and I always wonder where they get their inspiration from. I'm not one who likes to look like everyone else in the world, so how do they manage to dress with such amazing style without looking like a bunch of maniacal robots?

So I turned to Google and Wikipedia for answers... Just kidding. I don't know who to talk to really. I'm afraid everyone will just come up with some basic answer that won't do anything for me. I think what I really need to do is find out what I actually like and what will actually look good for me (because you know some styles out there look great on some people and not so great on others)... I've realized that although I love short, strapless dresses, my breasts just don't have enough support to make the dress actually look good. Sure, I can wear a very supportive strapless bra, but those are extremely hard to find these days (especially if you're cheap like me and don't want to spend over $20 on a bra).

*Sigh* I just don't know, man... I admire and envy (at times) women with long, toned legs because my legs are short, stubby, and thick. I start getting all insecure and self-conscious when I see people who are thinner or who are just in better shape than I am. My legs are thick, yea... but they're fat. They're not toned. There are no muscles there. The only leg muscles I have really are in my calves, and those are due to constant slavework (what I like to call it) during band. I want my thighs to tone up... I want them to look as sexy as some of the celebrities we all know (like Beyonce or Rihanna). I want them to just look appealing to the eye. Same for my arms...

Overall, I just need to learn how to be a "woman." I need to find myself and develop my own style that will compliment my body type and shape. I need a style that will not make me look slutty or trashy, that will not make me look assimilated into modern day society, and that will not change who I am internally. I wanna be able to look sexy yet sophisticated, you know what I'm saying? Cause truthfully, if I could live the rest of my life successfully in a pair of sneakers and some jeans, I'd be perfectly fine with it...