In high school, I had plenty of friends from different social groups, I guess you could say. I never had a huge problem with getting to know people after I was comfortable, and it never really took me too long to get comfortable. Before coming to college, I thought that within the two weeks of band camp I would make a lot of new friends. I was wrong. I have yet to meet anyone I can call a true friend... One person has come a little close, though, and that is my friend, Jeremiah. You know I love the gays, and omgoodness... He is just fabulous, bahaha. He's not a diva or anything (although I do have a habit of addressing him as "GIIIIRRRRLLL..."), but some of the stuff he says about the guys around campus (especially the football players and track runners) are effing HILARIOUS. If you don't have a gay friend, you should find one... Cause, girl... Lol. They are something else.
But yea, other than Jeremiah, I haven't really talked to anyone in the band like that... I don't like the majority of the people in my section (mainly the girls), but the guys get on my nerves, too. I've managed to like some of the snares and the tenors but not enough to call them "friends." I don't know... It's just been really rough for me these past couple of months. I do have friends here, don't get me wrong, but the majority of them are friends from high school. I do meet new people through my new best friend, Brad, who eventually become aquaintances, but I don't hang out with them enough to call them my friends... and then, my roommate, I don't really know if you could say we're friends (although we do get along very well). *sigh* This whole friend deal is just too much.
On Sunday when we were at Riverside Galleria in Hoover, Alabama on the way back from New Orleans, one of the tenor players, Ben, pulled up a chair next to me at the table I was sitting at and basically said, "Jennifer, you need to quit being a loner. You would have much more fun if you had a group of friends. I know there are some very nice people here. What you need to do is find yourself a group of people and introduce yourself... Cause you don't need to be all by yourself all the time." I don't know which it did worse: hurt my feelings or make me really wish I could break out of my shell and talk to people. It's not that I'm afraid to talk to people, it's just that I'm... I don't know, just not comfortable. I'm not comfortable enough to show people the real me yet, the me behind the bitchy attitude and the angry mug.
I just feel like people in college are waaaayy too judgemental (myself included) and that if I were to just act a fool and be myself, I would be looked upon in a negative way. I don't want that. I know you're not supposed to care what other people think of you (and most of the time I don't), it's just... I don't know, it's hard to explain. Reading Leah's post about going to a gay club with her whiteys (lol) just made me realize how sheltered I really am. Here at UT, it's so common for people to go partying and drinking and all that other stuff. Me? I don't go to any — I haven't been to any — and I don't know if I plan to any time soon. I know Brad wants me to go to at least one just for the experience, and I might, but I doubt that I will go to many in the near future.
Even in New Orleans, I spent most of the time by myself. I ate dinner by myself (until I met up with Marcela and ate again), and since I didn't have anyone to hang out with the second night, I just stayed in my hotel room and did my homework. I feel like such a nobody/lame sometimes... and I know that isn't true, but I can't help it. Maybe I'm just being anti-social and reclusive by choice (well, obviously I am). I could very easily make a lot of friends and not have to worry about this kind of stuff, but unfortunately... Unfortunately, it's just not that easy for me.
On a brighter note, I did talk to a guy from my Math class today. We walked and talked after class and even ate breakfast together, which was pretty nice seeing as to how I always eat by myself. It was the first time I've actually spoken to him since school started in August (crazy, right?). I found out that he's a sophomore (which is odd) and from Atlanta. He always waved at me whenever he saw me, and I guess that lightened up my mood a little bit. I felt welcomed and stuff, you know? I just wish everyone would be that welcoming and friendly.
